Showing posts with label Nostalgia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nostalgia. Show all posts

19 July 2025

Head Lice

My tenant. Who was my 
Teacher as well at the convent.
She was fond of me.
Gave toffees, and
other eatables.

Would catch hold of
Me whenever I scratched 
My head to pick lice
In the evening.

I would offer her flowers
Randomly. It felt nice.

That winter, Mom went to 
Her maiden home for 
The third delivery. Dad was 
In the Army like always.

Felt forgotten and aloof
For months in my big joint family,
And only Ma'am felt like 
Family in the absence of 
Mom.

After the summer holidays,
When I returned from 
Visiting mom.
Ma'am wasn't there.
Married off. Gone.

I waited for her as my
Aloofness grew louder 
In the house--
The itch in my head 
Wouldn't stop.

I insisted on shaving 
My head in the following 
Month, when Grandpa
Took me to the barber.

Something broke me
That day and I suppose 
That explains, why I hate 
Shampoo to this day.

22 May 2025

Wishful nostalgia

You dream of her
Across an open field.
Standing with open
Arms. Wind blowing 
In her hair-

You running towards 
Her and clouds
Gathering just to
Pour down for this
Union.

You dream of her
Lying beside you-
Playing with her
Braids. Running 
Your fingers on 
Her feet-

Feeling her like the
Mild melody of 
Anklets.
Time frozen in her
Fragrance-
Peace chasing you
To be your slave.

But what happens 
To dreams?
What happens to
Dreams of a summer
Noon?

Heat gets to you.
You wake up to
The dead air in the
Room wondering if
It's tomorrow-

A sweet taste of
A cherry from a 
Past life gets to you
Aamidst stink 
Of sweaty reality-
You smile at yourself 
Like you always do 
And let it go.

16 May 2025

Love, longing and Envy

Years later when you meet 
Your school-crush in a
Friend's marriage.
A three-year-old kid in her
Hand.

The tension in the air.
Jealousy seeping through 
Your eyes-
You laugh through all
The tantrums that come
Your way.

Upon that, others pass
On her kid to you.
After everyone failed
To cheer up his grumpy
Mood. He sits quietly
With you.

A weird sense of 
Attachment gets to you.
A feeling that, the kid could 
Have been yours if things 
Could have worked out,
Lingers in you.

Before you pass him to her,
You squeeze his cheeks
Hard till he cries.
She gives you a nasty look.
And you smile.

That weird sense of 
Satisfaction you got-
Unrequited love has its way
Of getting at you.

16 January 2025

Adulting

Somewhere I'm still a
Confused boy who's
Not yet bothered about
The consequences.

I refuse to be a grown
Adult man.

Still biking around the
Supposed places with
My BFF, still believing
All the fun will be
Permanent..

The urge to become
A shepherd in the
Himalayas doesn't
Subside.

The longing to be a
Monk as an escape to
This reality is still on
Cards.

Somewhere the kid in
Me, running in the
Narrow streets of
My village with a tyre..
Has seen the adult me
Grow wings.

I flap and sour high.
Dive down screaming..
The air rushing to my
Face and tears drying
In the periphery of my
Eyes.

I lock eyes with him
And nod.
He smiles in approval.
Heck of a life.

25 December 2024

Grandma's Garden

The marigolds with their 
Yellow for this festival
And jasmines oozing their
Whiteness.

The Periwinkles with subtle 
Pink by the fence that's
Always ignored and 

The roses in full bloom
Dancing on the only sapling
That came up well after 
Years of trying-

The blossoms in Grandma's
Garden was the beginning of
New Year back then.

She made Deities with
Cow-dung for the occasion.
Age-old tradition to pay
Tribute to our ancestors.

Anything that was deemed 
As a weapon was washed 
And worshiped that day.

The first time she had
Asked me for my book and
The pen for the pooja...
How I had felt like a warrior.

Fresh bravery in my bones.
Chased away pigs that day
In the backyard by myself.
I was heck of a Knight.

16 December 2024

Baggage

Black coffee, no sugar- plain bitter. 
A Memoir of Dharmashala: Club from 1850s
when the British found vacation joys 
In the hills of their enslaved territory. 

'Cozy jazz' - playlist on the music platform, 
Plays endlessly, I'm all in even if it's hours long.

It triggers something in me
I think about this life. This damned life and 
The series of events that brought me
Here again. 

A friend who died
And the bike he left me in his will along with
A lot of vivid memories on it across 
Lands, oceans, and hills.

One or two songs from the playlist 
Or even more, tweaking the slow cinnamon 
Burn of our days from the college..

They take me back to pull my heart out
To the life at it's the barest laughter and 
We staring back at it with the coldest eyes.

Then he goes away. Twenty years have 
Passed and I haven't cried it out yet.

I feel like poking my eyes with this pen
In my to nab down every bit of tear that
Doesn't come out. But no. 
I have to drag this life for him.

I gotta feel un-poured rains for him.
And see the unveiled horizons. And experience 
That nightly starlight across the Himalayas.

And maybe someday at dawn, when the sun
Comes up across a snow-laden mountains
In the village of Zanskar, to bring 
Peace to my years of traveling streak.

I would then order two cups of 
Sea-Buck-Thon tea, to say cheers to an empty seat. 
And slowly drink it to fade away in 
The foggy wisdom the same evening.

01 December 2024

Orchards

Somewhere, there's a memory 
Of waiting with Mom for a bus
To her maiden home.

Somewhere there's a memory 
Of Dad carrying me on his 
Shoulders to buy me chocolates.

Grandpa, showing me how 
The buffaloes are milked.
Grandma, giving me 25 paise
After I help her with chores.

A memory of running around 
With cousins and bruising 
My knees. Mama gifting me my 

First pair of Paragon-chappals
As I tagged along while 
Harvesting paddy.

The brief shudder of calm in
My veins every time I remember 
My childhood. Feels like,

I still sneak into those orchards
To steal mangoes. So delicious
That I'm forever thankful.

21 November 2024

Hiraeth

At the edge of the world,
The house we built when
We were on good terms.

I stopped there for a while 
When I was passing by tonight.
A dinner table in the hall,

Two tea-cups that aren't 
Empty. Bindi on the mirror,
An arm length wreath of 

Jasmine that wants to find
Solace in your braids.

The small geoid marked 
With places we wished to go.
It still rotates.

The door is forever open
And the doormat still flaunts 
'Welcome' in colours.

The kid of our fancy calls 
Your name and I haven't 
Lied to her yet.

"Mom has gone shopping"
I repeatedly say and 
Believing my words, 

She goes on playing in 
My head.

01 November 2024

Wish You Happy Deepawali

I wish you a Happy Deepawali.
I wish all your siblings holidays,
To make it home this time.

I wish those cousins and friends 
In the village, gather in your 
House to fill up the space.

I wish your dad makes you clean 
The house, put up those lights,
Wash the vehicles and fight
With everyone a couple of times.

I wish you play Uno with people
Around and be blessed with 
The luxury of gully cricket in 
The high school playground.

I wish those aunties bother you
With questions of marriage.
Grandparents force you to touch
Their feet, only to give you twenty 
Rupees like they always did.

I wish you a lazy morning 
With the preview of the match 
Playing on the TV. And the smell from 
The kitchen invade your senses 
When you're not hungry.

I wish you realize what's a home.
The smell of Oily Vada, the taste of 
Mix Mithai. The hints of light
That binds you in a fraternity.

I wish you all the mundane things
That come with a home.
I wish you a hungry stomach 
And blessings of a mom's kitchen.

More than the festival, I wish you
The sensibilities of it. I wish you
Completeness of all the emotions.
I wish a very Happy Deepawali and
The warmth of a home.

14 October 2024

The World

In a world where there's
More to what meets the eye.
In a world where words
Can be weaponized.

In a world where algorithms
Dance like unhinged zombies,
To pollute minds and question
Feeble intentions.

In the world of FOMO,
Compulsive take on rapes,
Murders and epidemics.
Their expectations to form

Opinions on politics and
Ongoing wars.

In the world where the moon
Hesitates to transition into a
Steady evening- My mom learns
To send pics in WhatsApp-

The first bloom of marigolds
She grew for the festival of
Dasara. The yellow transcending 
Its hues to my face and 

How I smile..

06 October 2024

Fragrance

The Periwinkles and 
The other small yellow 
And white flowers.
The names you don't know.

But their caress when you
Walked barefoot.
The impression of their color,
On the blanket of green.

The feeling that wafts past
Your nose..

This act of smelling the
Moments that have passed.
The bloom of spring in
Your heart.

Her face, which once had
Eyes, cheeks, lips.
It's all fragrance now-
Rose. Jasmine. Rain.

01 October 2024

Last day of Delhi

After we talked for long on
Your terrace- last day of Delhi.
The half-beer against the
Full meal got to my head.

I didn't gather myself to
Tell it to your to your face,
So I sent you an SMS,
Can I Hug You..?

You didn't say anything.
Made excuses to sneak
Down the stairs.
Aloof, dejected..listening to

'No Surprises' I spread
Myself on the terrace
Cursing the shooting stars
That aren't in my fate.

Then a sudden brush of hair 
On my face and the warmth
Of your lips on my cheek.
When I opened my eyes-

A fading image of yours
As you rushed back down the stairs.
The sudden blues in the sky,
A bloom of roses and it played-

'What a wonderful world'.

Train to Your City

In December of that year,
I came out of Chandigarh
Station. The first glimpse of you.
Happy, awed- Butterflies.

We hesitantly hugged.
Unable to talk clearly at first.
Like learning a new language,
Saying stuff in chunks.

What a day it was.

We roamed around all day.
The rock garden, rose garden,
Skipping the lunch-
The street food marathon.

In the evening, while we sat
By the Sukhna lake, eating
Ice cream. I wanted to Kiss you.
Couldn't muster any courage.

Months went by thinking
Should I have? or otherwise?
The un-met longing, like smoke
Raising off burning desire..

The 10 pm train to your city
From Dharwad, it took a couple
Of years before it stopped
Mocking me over that

Un-kissed evening.

24 September 2024

Recommending Songs

The songs I tell you about.
How the lyrics go, how the bass
Feels against a changing weather.

How the particular tone of it has
Soaked in a memory of mine
To become a fragrance.

I can smell it now. 'Rehai' playing
Against the soothe of her face,
Trying to absolve me from a
Confined place..

My soul comes out of the body
To stand on a table to guide me
Through a cosmic dance.

Then it screams about
My performance,
To an invisible audience.

And when I recommend you
That song and you can't talk about
It with the same euphoria..

I'd point you to my best friend to
Convey, how he'd exactly react.
I know you may call us gay,
But that's all right.

I just hope, you really listen to it
One more time. We need a
Third wheel you see and that's

The only screening we felt apt.

22 September 2024

Old Dharwad

I feel like I met you in
Old Dharwad, where
Cement hasn't smothered 
The roads yet.

Your face gleaming with
Rusty shops and hints
Of raw literature that
Runs in the streets.

We sit in a forgotten 
Restaurant to have 
Haap-Cha and Girmit,
And you appreciate it

Using the only cuss word 
I've taught you.

You ask the meaning again,
It's just a superlative I say-
That's too much cultural 
Exchange for a day.

Your Punjabi soaked in
Kannada, our story 
Like a redundant name
Of a Hindustani song-

We walk from Railway station 
To my college, like
Postman carrying a letter,
From 1950s to the present.

12 September 2024

Ancient Wounds

It occurs to me in a 
Sudden rush of angst and 
Excitement that I should 
Just text you. 
Talk to you about all the 
Places I have been..

And in all those places, 
How I've missed you 
Deliberately, to stamp 
Your face, in the high of 
The mountains, rivers and 
The slow betrayal 
Of the evenings.

On a hidden beach, 
Watching the waves crash 
And ships fade on the horizon. 
I wait for a bottle that 
Carries a letter from the 
Other side..

This knack for nostalgia 
And the reasons
You give to scar myself..
I scratch them in rhythms 
You know..

To listen to music that 
Screams your name in 
My ancient wounds.

11 September 2024

The Romantics

Someone among the lot,
Would send an SMS
To watch the moon..
Good days back then.

Sun rose beautifully and
Even in the sunstes,
We had our hearts.

We, four-five romantics,
Sharing books and poems.
Good songs and talking 
Like everything would 
Remain the same.

We wrote, posted letters
To each other. Sometimes 
Met one another before 
The letter could reach.

Where's that craze gone? 
The grit of life we could feel 
Under our noses like we 
Breathed a special air..

It's been cloudy lately,
The moon has been 
Masked by a haze. 
The desire to reach out to 
Each other is so shallow..

That the longing to walk 
Barefoot often meets with 
The complaints of the lawn 
Being damp with 
The dewdrops.

03 September 2024

Un-dated

September 2011, fresh out of
School. The journey I took to
Allahabad for an interview..

The train and 'Teri Meri' song
Playing against the flashes of
Your face...

Took a detour to Mumbai while
I returned. Met you outside
Kurla station past 11 pm.

So brief, could only have
A plate of Pani Puri in haste.

Sneaking past the railings
While I climbed the staircase
Of the platform.

I remember your fading
Image as you swayed your
Hand to bid me a goodbye.

The love and longing that was
Budding that didn't go
Beyond a dead friendship..

I rejoice that moment with a
Wishful thinking now. About
The 11 pm Butterfly that might

Just be alive, waiting in a limbo,
Outside Kurla station, on every
Un-dated September night.

When You Truly Arrive

There should be a hill outside
Your village. A narrow,
Walkable path up to the top.

There should be rocks, a lake
Fruit Laden trees and incessant
Rains to complain all season.

There should be an abandoned
Temple with names of lovers
Who didn't marry each other.

The old men and the young
Should talk about a vague ghost
That comes alive every new moon..

The adamant rusty hearts of boys
Who play cricket in such places
To prove them otherwise.

The grannies making papads,
Daughters going to schools.
Memories of making kites.

And years later when you
Return from a distant city..

The smell of crushed flowers
In wet tar, tickling your memories.
There should be a feeble heart

Blessed in you, that screams
Butterflies when you truly arrive,
To this place, you belong.

03 August 2024

A Ride in Rain

Your hesitation to get drenched
While you ride- drizzle, stop, ride,
Repeat
on the highway.
Seeking random shelters gets
Strenuous after a while.

It starts to rain shortly.
The anterior soaks. Your thighs,
Chest and belly feel the cold first.
A bit of the wetness seeps into
Your undies from the front.

The droplets that trickle down
The helmet, get through the collar,
Drench the back, along
The backbone.

By this time, the only warmth
You're left with is around your ass.
And you distinctively feel
The last drop that invades your
Preserved abode.

It redeems you-
Like a homeless man not hesitating
To commit a crime.
You're not afraid of the rain anymore.
There's no home left to protect.

All your restraints fall off and
Soaking suddenly turns out to be
A pleasure.