Numbing Brain

I know I can't get out of this. 

I know I'm gonna overthink 

myself into tiredness. 

I know I'm too lazy to give 

myself a jump start. 

I know I'm gonna consider 

all the alternate routes 

to my freedom and eventually 

justify conditioning of this 

prison. 

The revolt in my bones goes 

out of my dick when I numb 

my brain with masturbation 

thrice a day. 

How do you think wings 

forget their flight? 

How do you think songs dry 

in otherwise fulfilled hearts?

Pump enough dopamine 

to the brain and even

best of us are gonna drown

in self-induced restraints.

Every Indian Marriage Ever ft my village

"My princess deserves 

a government babu", declares 

the neighborhood auntie.

It would be a banker one day, 

a low-key state government 

official the other-

Her pride would hide behind 

a high-paying manager 

in a MNC sometimes, and 

on the other, behind a 

businessman with a big 

enterprise in the city. 

And years down the line, 

finally, when this 

"Beaut-force of a girl",

is married off to the only 

son of a big landlord-

Within six months, it's found 

that he's a drunkard. 

Then our princess returns 

to her mother after a big big 

fight within a year.

There is nothing to hide 

by now. The secrets are

out in the open. 

The landlord tag was just 

"erstwhile", and what's 

left now is just 1.5 acres. 

The sunk cost fallacy of 

Indian marriages starts to 

play out well after that-

series of blame games, 

retaliation, negotiation,

and inevitable settlements.

Both the families thrust 

the pact of marriage down 

the throats of these two 

imbeciles, and within the 

next year she comes 

bearing a child. 

Then another, 

then another, and another 

till penury wakes up 

and slaps on them with

a contraception.

But yes, after that, 

They Lived Happily Ever After.

Captivity of Constipation

You sleep clean, wake up early. 

You sit on the commode like a king, 

but it doesn't rain with thunder 

like it usually does. 

You give in, come out of the 

bathroom confused, wondering

If you should have washed your 

misfired cannon or not. 

You sip black coffee to trigger 

your bowels, then sabja seeds 

to build up the pressure. 

Breakfast goes in, just hoping to 

come out, but today it's in no hurry. 

The stock market opens, 

Arnab screams in reels, 

the traffic moves, people go to 

work, and you too join the race.

But you got unfinished business.

The anticipation of which holds 

you captive every half an hour. 

You carry the discomfort into 

office, meetings, small talk, and 

even lunch-- Geopolitics, 

Climate change, who's nailing who, 

when is the appraisal? 

Everything goes on the usual 

platter, except your colon. 

On days like this, your gut 

feeling is often flatulence.

The anxiety eventually turns 

into a neat philosophy-

What is a man who has not 

defecated? Is free will real?

Should the right to defecation 

be part of human dignity in 

Article 21?

The growling in your belly

changes the relativity of time.

The time dilation reminds you

How Buddha died of diarrhea 

and you think how lucky he was.

Every decision feels blocked.

Every emotion feels backed up.

The kind of awakening you're 

pushed into by evening-

You are spiritually constipated

and every philosophical question

seems to wait to be answered 

by the same damn pressure.

And then, suddenly, late in the

night, when the body speaks-

The fluency of pressure pushes

you into a simulation-

For a while you're under that

goddamn Bodhi tree, and you 

realise that enlightenment may 

have been greatly exaggerated.

And if asses could speak,

Every fyn shyt would be a 

preaching and every bathroom 

would be a consecration.

Which, in all reasonableness,

even now, is no less than a 

place of worship.

Am I a Misogynist?

I'm a millennial villager 

who studied in a residential 

school where talking to 

girls was despised and 

reprimanded.

There was a silent 

sympathy and admiration 

for girls who wore chudi,

and our hidden misogyny 

came out as character 

assassination of 

whoever wore jeans.

But times changed and

values changed and

yardsticks changed.

Yet, I still wonder if I'm 

conditioned enough to

be a misogynist.

Like, I wouldn't want 

my wife to burn herself 

after my death-

Sati is a strict no.

But if I were in the 1900s,

would I have gone against 

the family and society 

for it? That's the question.

Like, would I marry a 

10-year-old? Hell no.

But if I were forced into

it thirty-forty years ago,

would I have opposed it?

Maybe no.

I'm in support of widow

remarriage as long as 

the widow is my wife. 

But what if it were my 

mother?

These random musings 

turn into introspection.

Introspections expose

my own biases-

Would I marry a girl of

dark complexion? 

Would I if she were a

bit overweight?

The question of virginity 

always plays out.

How about dowry? 

I know I fully oppose it. 

But if it's sugarcoated by 

layers of "How it's a gift 

to your own daughter" 

what can I do?

Would I allow her to work? 

Allow? Yes. She can work.

Can she wear make-up 

and modern dress? 

Yes, to some extent.

Saree? Ghunghat?

The kitchen? The dishes?

Children? Uhh! Enough.

I guess, if it boils down

to something simple,

my feminism might end

somewhere over how much 

work I'm gonna share with 

her in the kitchen.

And the misogyny would 

surely begin somewhere 

over her decision to wear 

a bikini or any other 

revealing dress.

Politics in my Plate

The students have 

gone on a protest at 

Jantar Mantar, but my 

coffee is not perfect.

A bridge has collapsed

in Morbi, twenty dead,

but I see two kilos more

on my weighing scale.

I have bread to pick up

and eggs to buy,

but damn the Iranians-

why are they passive

in the news headlines?

The kebabs in my new 

air fryer were promising.

One of my classmates

got a bigger package.

Manipur is still burning

and the Education Minister

refuses to resign.

It was supposed to be a 

drought year, but it's 

continuously pouring here.

My undies are not drying.

Liberals in this country,

my foot. Sometimes,

I just want to paint my 

nerve endings saffron, 

and become stupid,

foolish, absolutely blind.

Not because I believe 

everything they tell me,

but because believing 

in nothing is exhausting 

too.

There is something

almost peaceful about 

reducing the world to 

the size of your own 

plate-

One can eat without 

thinking about famine 

in Gaza. Sleep without 

thinking about epidemic 

in Africa.

What laxury it is to scroll 

past a burning state because 

the algorithm has already 

found a better reel.

Maybe that's what politics 

eventually becomes-

not choosing what is right,

but choosing which 

suffering you can afford 

to notice today.

Anyway, maybe I can switch

to jaggery for weight loss.

The country can wait.

It's protected by the ancient 

wisdom of scriptures anyway.

If Buddha were a Woman

If Buddha were a woman, 

his thoughts would have 

been declared radioactive 

and contained them in 

lead-coated walls of 

the kitchen for safety. 

His thinking would have 

been declared a public health 

hazard to confine him to 

the boundaries of a building

by his own father. 

And God forbid if he left 

the house in the middle of 

the night, his long road to

enlightenment would have 

been one heck of a treatise 

on women's safety and 

sexual harassment. 

The Bodhi tree would have 

grown conscious suddenly 

to question his chastity. 

And to maintain its own purity, 

the Buddha would have been 

asked to stay away on that 

week of the month. 

If Buddha were a woman, 

the first sermon in Sarnath 

wouldn't have gone past 

the absolutely bizarre 

conditions women have 

been put through. 

The entire religion would 

have been about methods 

to escape chauvinistic tyranny, 

and then there would 

have been four Buddhist 

councils for equal rights.

Perhaps that way, there 

would have been a religion 

to represent this half of 

humanity. But alas, 

Buddha was a man and 

he himself excluded women 

in his monasteries. 

If he hadn't, enlightenment 

wouldn't just be flexing muscles 

with meditation and the four 

noble truths of Dhamma 

would reek of hypocrisy of 

patriarchy first.

What's a marriage?

The fourth day after my 

tenth class, as I returned 

from the farm, Mom said, 

someone has come 

to see you.

Then I was wrapped in 

a new saree, powder was 

put on my face,

some ornaments around 

the neck and on ears.

They asked me to take 

tea to the guests. 

I was nervous.

Someone asked me my name.

Another asked me to turn 

around. I fumbled a bit.

I didn't know they were 

inspecting my body.

They must been 

impressed though, 

as it followed a series 

of events over the next 

few weeks-

a huge gatherings,

elaborate rituals,

visits to temples and 

big big talks on how to 

behave.

Then suddenly there was 

an ugly man, who they 

said was my husband.

He climbed upon me to 

hump me like a hungry dog.

I liked it a bit i guess.

maybe that's why I was 

punished with four kids.

The eldest one is about five,

and she asked me just now.

"What's marriage?"

I take a breath. I sigh.

I look back at of series 

of hazy, chaotic events-

A body wrapped in a 

new saree to a man taking 

control of it.

I wonder if this was the

first pause I took from 

that day?

Anyway, I don't seem to 

have any answer to that 

question.

So, I look at her and 

ask myself the same 

question-

What's marriage?

Poster Boys

Bhagat Singh's anger is 

welcome, his atheism is not.

Azad's bullet makes a good 

brochure but his politics 

leans left and that's bad.

Zafar's Urdu is beautiful,

let's just remember him

as a weak emperor.

Everything else should 

be erased because of 

his faith.

Bose is invoked loudly.

But his complicated alliances 

are whispered selectively.

Microphones have learned 

to tone it all smartly.

Ambedkar is celebrated.

But his annihilation of caste

must wait outside the 

school Savitribai built. 

But why not restrict her 

to margins or footnotes?

Her rebellion should be 

politely described as 

social work anyway.

And Gandhi walks a tightrope 

between being a saint and 

a villain depending on which 

side of the argument a 

corpse needs to fall.

Revolution, that way,

is easier to digest once you've 

amputated its questions, 

and martyrs are useful only 

as poster boys in party 

manifestos.

History, that's why is not 

what happens. Often,

It's just what's allowed.

Social Mobility

The priestly class is 

deemed higher in any 

society and those who 

dispose the dead are 

kept lower.

But even among Brahmins 

those who assist cremations 

are kept lower. 

They can't marry 

higher up.

Then there's a priestly 

class among Dalits.

Who look down upon 

other Dalits.

A hierarchy nesting

inside a hierarchy,

This seems to be a venn 

diagram problem.

And while solving this,

somewhere a math teacher

who's a lower Brahmin,

is gonna lock eyes with

a student who's a 

Priestly Dalit.

The tension of social 

mobility between would 

give birth to a bridge, 

via which, other people 

are gonna go beyond 

caste and hold on to 

beta division-

that's class.

Middle-class Hindu Male

I needn't watch my tone

while I talk. I needn't laugh 

with my mouth closed,

I needn't hide behind my

shame when someone

meets my gaze.

I needn't be careful about 

where I sit, how I sit, or

how far my legs have to

spread or be stretched.

I certainly needn't worry 

about my chest when

I bend or be worried about 

someone's stare while I 

walk around.

I can enter any temple

on any occasion, 

at any time of the month.

I need not worry about 

access to God's wisdom.

Even the scriptures grant me 

extra perks when it comes

to spirituality.

I won't be ogled or

unnecessarily touched

in buses or trains.

Neither the style of my

dress would be held 

in contempt.

This extra layer of freedom 

I carry by belonging to

a particular gender, class,

religion, and caste-

I needn't prove my 

nationalism or secularism 

to anyone, and the choice 

of my food would never 

become a national issue. 

The system is made for me. 

It works for me.

It protects me at the expense 

of others, yet somehow,

my existence seems to be 

under threat lately.

Do we need to worry about 

these women and the other 

minorities who go on gloating 

about their problems?

Maybe yes!

We men, should wake up 

to the new reality.

Mass mobilization of men

is necessary, and we should 

organise ourselves politically.

If you agree, Like, Share, 

Comment and Subscribe.

Give me a shoutout already,

Let's get our well deserved 

glory back.

To be XX or Not to be XY

Looking at my baby bump,

When they say, "it will be a boy",

what they mean is, they want 

a champion with a peg.

whom they can flaunt in their 

ancestry with a hidden wish

that he would light their pyres, 

as though fire itself were averse  

to a particular gender. 

What they might further mean is, 

if it isn't a boy, I would be

held against it. I would be 

shamed, disregarded, and asked 

to turn my uterus into a 3D 

printing machine of hit and trial, 

till it throws away a haughty 

little brat.

Sometimes some of them say, 

"it better be a boy".

what they mean is, I would have to 

thrust my hand in my uterus to 

pinch all the 'X' chromosomes 

in my egg to facilitate 'Y' to bind 

to 'X' of my husband's sperm.

What they'd further mean by it is, 

when the baby comes out of my 

birth canal, they would rush to 

check its genital first, and 

if it is what it isn't, they would 

immediately mourn a life 

that just bloomed. 

They might even consider,

and reconsider what to do with 

it till they run out of options, 

and after that, at most, 

they might let it exist. 

Just fucking merely exist!

And a few, who aren't even 

that considerate, would say

"It should be a boy" like it's

a statutory warning.

what the warning would 

eventually mean is,

If it comes to that, they would 

take me to a sneaky van 

outside the village for an 

ultrasound.

And if the smuggled Chinese 

machine in that detects a 

female foetus,

I might be forced to take 

certain banned medicines 

to force a miscarriage. 

and if in any case, I escape 

the ordeal to birth her-

There are always seasoned 

midwives who could choke the

baby at a cue, or throw her

into the nearby lake.

At the bottom of which 

the other baby girls might 

just be waiting to welcome her 

with better consolation.

Silent Uniform

It rains in the evening and

she has to rush to the terrace.

No one has to tell her.

No one else has to go to

fetch those dry clothes.

The rules seem to be ironclad 

and the process is efficiently 

automatised.

It rains, and she has to 

rush up, down and sideways 

to bring the dry clothes she

herself has washed.

The kids play in the hallway,

husband is hooked to the 

TV even on holidays.

Can't outsource it to the

in-laws obviously, and to crib 

about the same, by now, 

her mom is far, far away.

Ohh, it rains, and she has to

rush to gather a lot of clothes.

The variety of shirts, jeans,

uniforms, t-shirts, shorts,

socks, jersey, innerwears 

and whatnot.

The heap of it piles on a

cot and it needs to be

tended into neat folds.

It rains, and even if it doesn't,

she has to do it anyway.

Fold them, sort and keep

them separately in the closet.

and while she does that,

one day she'll realise-

How amidst the heap,

what's hers is just a bra, 

panty and a faded gown-

A silent uniform she 

wears in rotation.

Her retired jeans and

tank tops laugh for being 

reduced to this identity but 

the sarees under suspension 

comfort her occasionally by 

being unnecessarily elaborate.

How long this can go is

the question, and 

almost every time,

"what to cook for dinner"

snatches away the answer.

Nangeli

Kerala had a tradition of taxing Dalit women who covered their breasts. Nangeli rebelled against it by cutting her breasts in protest.

They ask me why I cut 

my Breasts, as if the story 

begins there.

As if blood is the cause

and not a consequence.

They ask me why I cut 

my Breasts, and I

look at my sickle that

wasn't sharp enough 

to cut anyone else.

They ask me why I cut 

my Breasts but they don't 

tell you how the kingdom 

decided to measure 

them first-

I remember the hands

of the accountant 

fondling my breasts,

to assess how much tax 

I had to pay for bearing 

them on my chest.

I remember, how at the

cost of our humiliation,

the tax had to be served on 

a banana leaf with utmost 

respect.

The untouchability, 

no temple entry,

hundred other taxes levied 

besides other subjugations-

They even forbade

the shade of certain to

trees for us.

So it boils my dead heart,

when they ask me why 

I cut my Breasts.

And I say, they deserved 

a spectacle-

A blood-oozing wound 

might stick better in memory 

than slow oppression fits 

into history.

But why does history 

remember the breasts

and forget the tax?

Why does it remember 

the blood and forget 

the caste?

You may ask the same 

question too. 

and in all humbleness, 

I shall serve you my severed 

Breasts to you as well.

That's how I want to break 

the fourth wall to ask

you this-

You've been subjugated 

by similar taxes too.

What's the mode of your

protest?

Why your dicks still intact? 

Or you've come already cut?

Paisas, Annas, Rupees

When Dadabhai Naoroji

sat pondering over the 

economic state of India.

Reflecting, contemplating over 

the things he had seen. 

Referencing and cross 

referencing the things 

he had experienced in-

"Poverty and Un-British 

Rule in India"

His theories stretching

beyond mere arithmetic-

towards the quiet starvation

of an entire civilization-

the estimate itself must have 

trembled his hands.

If he had to put in numbers

Twenty rupees he would 

hesitantly write.

Twenty rupees per year

as the per capita income,

He would gulp it down

like hot coal before he came

out of his room in fury.

And as he walked down the

corridor- his thoughts 

lingering between rupees,

paisa and annas-

entire civilization shrinking 

down to a mathematical 

humiliation-

He must have encountered 

his personal assistant 

cleaning the floors of his 

posh bunglow-

He must have looked into 

his deep eyes.

The desperation in his eyes

must have asked for better 

wages for the first time.

And Dadabhai must have 

given away sixteen annas 

to hide his own guilt.

And that's when his

Drain Theory must have 

stood up to slap him,

and Dadabhai must have 

given two more annas in a

hurried miscalculation.

But did it make up for the 

rightful twenty rupees? 

Or down the history,

the wisdom of averages

overlooked it for larger good?

Hijack

Hijak their tongues.

Hijak their words.

Hijak their silence and

assume it's a 'yes' 

when it's 'not a no.'

Tell them bad air is

all their fault.

Tell them how holy

is water, to hijak

their god.

Tell them nation 

comes first, tell them 

it's for the greater good.

Tell them individuality 

is a sin and sacrifice is

the only way to go.

Punch holes in their

dialects with a

compromised vocabulary,

and rinse their history 

with facts that are 

blasphemous to deny.

Make compliance a

virtue. make questioning 

a sign of betrayal.

Repeat it. Sharpen it.

Sanctify it until 

language forgets 

how to resist.

You're champions of

democracy already,

Yet, you choose to conduct 

elections now and then.

Not for power but

check the grammar 

of your propaganda-

Which is foolproof.

and we, with bit of

rationality left, are fools,

to think, you aren't 

Inevitable.

Opulence

If your income is

below twenty thousand 

per month-

You've a caste, sub-caste.

Kul, Gotr, Nakshatra. 

Rashi, dosh, Mangal, 

Shani and what not.

Upon that, even the 

neighborhood deity, 

who's a boulder,

is angry on you for

missing a upvas.

Maybe, if the income 

doubles, or triples.

Your Kul and Gotr

would be spared.

You can offord to overlook 

the local deity and focus 

on some institutional 

Gods of your town.

If you it notch up a little 

and go over few lakhs

a month kinda bracket.

You can ignore even

mangal and shani.

Can appease a pujari in 

a few temples, he can 

offer special puja at will

whenever you need it.

And if you can go even 

further. Perhaps, if you can

make a few crores a month. 

Maybe you can have a

few temples of your own.

Maybe few gods will 

stop holding you contempt 

altogether.

Few murders, few rapes

can always be kept in

reserve till you piss off

a better lord.

Then, if the money in 

question starts working 

for you and you start 

minting it even when you

don't have to.

You can start a cult to 

enslave a few gods.

Make your own rules to 

keep them in check.

In fact, you can force them 

to interbreed. So that,

you could use their children 

for your pedophilic acts.

Maybe other alpha Gods

will be a little angry but

you can negotiate a

deal to make them part

of your sweet dirty acts.

You don't have to worry

worry about the consequences 

at that level of opulence. 

The onus lies on the almighty.

Or maybe it doesn't.

As they're equally corrupt.

Bombing A School

From the mouth of a building

that forgot its own shape,

they pull out papers-

creased lungs of color,

breathing ash.

A house drawn in seemingly 

straight lines refuses to 

learn collapse.

A sun- not so round, 

not so certain,

keeps smiling at a sky that 

no longer exists.

Stick figures hold hands

across a page in solidarity 

like there's still a future 

that no blast could edit.

A blue crayon river

still remembers how to flow,

though the street outside

has turned to dust.

Fingerprints of red and yellow-

small, stubborn signatures

outlive the walls that tried to 

keep them safe.

And in one corner, a bird 

mid-flight, wings open-

has nowhere left to arrive.

The resuers stack the 

drawings like evidence against 

the idea of war. Proof that 

color survived impact.

Proof that someone,

before the noise,

before the blast believed in 

windows, in doors, 

and in tomorrows.

Proof that, in the quiet

after sirens-

whatever hope that was left

got laced to crayons and 

took an iroclad refuge 

in papers that no

power could ransack.

Missing Girl

At first, it is small.

Maybe she’s late.

Maybe traffic.

Maybe a friend’s house.

Then the clock

sharpens.

Minutes grow teeth.

She could be lost.

Stuck in school.

Stuck in a bus

that forgot its route.

Or worse-

someone took her.

The mind doesn’t pause.

It doubles down-

Kidnapped. 

Trafficked. Sold.

A room with no windows.

A life rewritten

without consent.

suspicious containers.

dingy brothels.

The headlines you 

scroll past daily

start rehearsing 

inside your skull.

Upon that-

What will people say?

How do you tell relatives?

What answer is safe?

What version of truth

can survive their gaze?

and if she returns-

how do you hold her?

How do you ask

without breaking her again?

How do you protect

her from the house that 

failed her?

And how do you

protect yourself while

the guilt gleams till 

it blinds everyone around?

You wait and wait batling

all thoughts, till

the house becomes

a waiting room

for catastrophe.

Phones repeatedly 

locked and unlocked.

Doors half-open.

Breath uneven-

Every sound

pretends to be her.

Every silence

proves it isn’t.

And then-

the door opens.

She walks in.

Normal. Hungry.

Unaware of the war 

she triggered.

Seven hours collapse

into one breath.

Relief floods loud, 

unceremonious,

almost angry.

All the imagined horrors

fold away.

No one speaks

of what almost happened.

But everyone knows-

how quickly

the world can end

inside a mind,

and how quietly

it resumes

when a child

just walks back in.

Citizenship

A woman in 20s

wraps her face

in a white sari because 

her husband died,

wipes out the tears,

and decides

to lead a life-

happy or sad,

doesn’t matter.

A kid limps

across a street

because a doctor

injected a wrong medicine.

No one cursed the doctor

or took the matter

to higher authorities.

He just accepted life.

Young men ride 

their bikes into a big 

potholes.

Entire locality drops

dead because 

Drinking water 

was contaminated.

It was all there fault.

This is life in its 

rawest sense-

death is routine,

suffering is private.

They adjust.

They normalize.

They move on.

They don’t 

Demand better.

Why should they?

When endurance is 

sold as national character

and jingoism is more

important than food

in the plate-

Compliant acceptance 

becomes a prerequisite 

for Citizenship.

The Arc of History

The arc of history bends toward justice.

I think I believe it.

Liberal winds outlast conservative walls.

However tight the scripture, however loud the bigot, 

however sacred the redundancy-

Sati had to go. Widow remarriage had to come.

Feminism was inevitable. Equality and human dignity 

were always the aspiration.

Sometimes I suspect it isn’t morality at work-

Just market optimization, cruelty becomes inefficient 

and compassion scales better.

Reform, perhaps is capitalism discovering 

empathy is profitable. Still, even if the motive

is impure, the outcome inches forward-

It's a fair bet I guess.

See, I'm a cynic in the short term but an 

optimist in the long term. I see chains of 

slavery disappearing, feudalism subsuming 

into itself.

Customs that once called themselves eternal,

now survive as footnotes and we got better 

lives now, than any medieval king at his prime.

So yeah. It's fair to reiterate as the old gods

shrink, old chains rust, old certainties crack-

And though slow, reluctant. 

Rarely noble or perfect- the arc of history 

bends toward justice.

But you're condemned to study, find a job and

toil hard to feed your misery, so that some 

future generation can enjoy the amenities you're 

currently deprived of-

Then smirk from beyond the graves when 

they say the previous generation had it 

better.