Four Hundred Eighteenth Time

I imagine your face while
You refused to meet me.
Your hateful gloomy eyes
That shed for me the last
Drop of tear..

I imagine yourself wrapped
In an ornate saree to
Give yourself away to a
Husband, for what mistake
Of mine?

I imagine you hiding me
In the syllable of your
Second child's name, after
The regret of not doing that
With the first one, as you
Still had some hate left.

I imagine you feel a
Pair of eyes on yourself
When you visit the Shani
Temple every Saturday..
Searching for the stalker
In me in the crowd.

But I slide in time avoiding
Your gaze.. the successful
Four hundred eighteenth
Time, since your marriage.

My empty rooms

My own empty rooms, I'm unable to
See. Unable to stick a broom to clean.
Flickers of light that refuse to reach
And I never know what's there or
What's not lurking?

Someone comes along sometimes
To open a couple of them,
Switch on the lights and sweep them
Clean and ask for matchsticks to
Prepare tea.

Years back there was a late-night party
In a couple of them.
The smokey smell of a campfire
Still remains but has been left
Unattained ever since.

These places without people are
Handicapped geographical coordinates
It seems. The numbness here grows
Shouting the absence of human touch,
So that no ship and compass
Can ever reach.

But the dried-up rivers show up to
Salvage their tragedies somehow.
And return in pity after seeing
The cataclysm that's already brewing.

Guilty Pleasure

The wars my

Thoughts wage.

The revolts these

Emotions stage.

Why is this

Mental carnage

So imminent.

Is there no end to

This bloodshed?

This body is a

Cauldron of craving.

Mind, full of 

Thrust moralities.

Between the

Desires that poke

And the restraints

I exercise..

Everything collides

With one another..

Inevitably a conflict 

Is bound to arise..

So I hold my dagger 

Full of desire,

In a fistful of my

Hand..

And my guilt 

Awaits outside

The bathroom..

To slay me for

Failing another

Time.

Dear Loneliness

You cut wings of

Doves and force 

Them to fly.

Pluck dandelions,

Only to throw them

In fire.

Give hopes to

Ailing hearts

Then feed apathy,

To cripple their life.

The prayers that

Taste you turn

Into dirge.

The things you

Touch are declared

As spoils of war.

So ingrained are

Sins in you,

That even after 

Washing your soul 

In the volcano..

The taints still glow,

The guilt still grows.

Leaving you to

Wonder if that's 

Really a curse.

Your heart hangs

In the air now, 

With no one to hold.

Dear loneliness,

I will break from

Your shackles.

I shall not live in

Vain tonight.

Vacuum

From deep oceanic
Trenches,
Till the vast expanse,
Of the sky.

Collapsing neutrons
In the core.
Till the doused light
In dying stars.

From a widow's
Eyes to
Sinking hopes in
Hospital corridors.

Loneliness prances
Like a
Hell sanctioned,
Demonic Avatar.

And when it
Joins hands with,
The freak of
Re-enforcing silence..
The noise it makes
Is much more quieter.

Like it's a vacuum.
Sheer Emptiness.

Lonely

Embrace yourself.

They said.

Opening my arms,

I wrapped myself.

It wasn't warm.

Loneliness is cold.

In desperation,

I rubbed my hands 

Hard.

They caught fire.

Though,

I'm all burnt.

The deep blue of winter

Is not yet gone. 

Reflection

When I looked in 

The mirror and 

Stared into my eyes.

Not far away from

The back of my head,

A stranger I did find.

I asked him questions

He ripped me apart.

To his queries 

Silence is all I had.

An eye for an eye.

Arm for an arm.

The duel turned

Into a bloody war.

I'm on run now.

I can't face myself

In the mirror.

There's nowhere to go.

Can you do me

A favor?

Can you place me in

A thought and hide

Me your mind?

Tag me with an

Unsual moment

And stash me

In your memory?

Give me a refuge

And save me 

From myself..

Till I can look you 

In the eye and find

A home in myself. 

Tear Stains

I'm midnight of 

Forgotten memories.

Abode of redundant

Reveries. 

A purposeless beast.

An incomplete dream.

On any given day,

I'm a bird that has lost

Its way in the Tear-stains

That scream.

Hunter within

I gag my laugh,

And whack my

Mind to

Feed this night

To a lonely delight. 

I fight with my

Shadows to sleep

With tomorrows.

Throw myself to

Pretense, to deal

With my past.

I lie, I laugh.

I usually move on.

Till I see myself 

In a mirror.

Even in the dark,

It illuminates

To reflect my guilt.

These are the days

When I'm a game.

But the hunters is 

Elsewhere.

Who's doesn't 

Shoot to kill.

Stares instead.

He stares I feel.

He stares to

Make bleed.

Invokes in me

Self sabotage.

Maybe that's how

He hunts.

He convinces his

Kill.  

And sometimes,

Not elsewhere,

He's within.

I'm afraid..

The hunter 

Might be me.

Loneliness Everywhere

I've soaked and

Wrung my brains.

Been hung in the

Backyard to dry.

The sun hasn't

Come up.

Loneliness

Everywhere.

My dead room is

Averse to light.

Repungent to hope

Or any kind of 

Laugh. Has been

Dust laden and

Cries for help.

But the brooms have

Gone on strike over

Salary hike. 

Loneliness

Everywhere.

The pen in my

Hand is unmoved

By empty pages.

The nib chokes

The ink.

My thoughts quiver

And evaporate

Failing to find a 

Safe passage 

Of life.

There's loneliness

Everywhere.

The dried rose petals

Between the pages

Of my old diary,

Have forgotten it all.

Now I search 

Relentlessly for

My past.

Adrift, aloof...

I'm Lonely

Everywhere.

The thing between

My thigh to the

Pump between

My ribs.

The syrup in my

Veins to the 

Wires till brain.

All ask me questions.

Searching answers

I've run out of life. 

And like hell 

Sanctioned act of

Blight, it prances

Over my chest. 

Like the little kid 

Of my elder sister.

Effing loneliness

Everywhere. 

Fed Up

A dried up

Rose petal.

In a decade

Old diary.

Cries out

A story that's

Bruised and

Dreary.

In a room

That has died,

Sitting alone!

It's damn weary. 

The stopped

Clocks often

Tell me a story

That's scary

All abused,

Cock protests.

My hand is

Not sorry.

Tell me,

If you wanna

Rescue, I'll be 

Packed and ready.

Or else, there's

Enough hate to

Torch myself

And be done

Without a worry. 

Wounded Pen

Sometimes 

My blood gets 

Frozen,

Skin turns thick.

Mind goes blank,

Pain becomes 

Illiquid. 

Empty walls 

Stare,

Blank papers 

Mock.

Solitude turns 

Into a mirror.

My reflection, 

A failed 

Literature.

I keep stabbing

Myself to make 

My pen bleed.

Ink-trails are 

The only way out

It seems.

Wounds are 

Portals to

Freedom,

When the soul

Does freeze.

Quill is the key.

And the bird that

Flies away is,

A poem indeed.

War for Sleep

The loneliness

Has conspired,

With the dark 

Tonight.

Aloof,

My fluttering eyes

See myself reflected

In the ceiling.

Melancholia rhymes,

To the tones,

Of a long lost,

Past.

Questions,

Unrelated answers.

Made up scenarios.

Top class illusions.

Insecurity plays

Video games.

Anxiety,

A street dancer.

Nights like these,

Are tough. 

Rough.

Total fuck-ups.

I wage a 

Full fledged war

On myself to

Slip into sleep.

Pain

Sometimes,

Wanna hurt myself.

Feel the pain,

For the sake of it.

It's like,

Too much of light.

And all you want is

Some gloom 

For a hide out. 

Fighting Oneself

I've stopped

Fighting others.

It's fun to 

Crawl down

My throat and

Poke the intestine.

Just last night,

I had a fight

With my shadow. 

How does it matter

If the other won?

I didn't lose,

And I feel better

Even more.

Stranger

When the night

Was set and 

The cold seeped in.

The lonely me

Fluttered eyes and 

The ceiling held me.

A stranger 

Talked to me.

He was like me.

He was me. 

Not Lonely

Heart shattered.
Mind choked.
To be sad,
Reasons,
Thousand more.

With the
Gloom around.
Learn to live alone.
To be happy,
You'll need

Light no more.

The Dark

When thoughts
Screech in the middle
Of the night.
You should see how
Vulnerable I become.

Washed away by even
The faintest of ideas,
All little and low.
Cornered,
Seeking support.

Daunted by the dark,
Even death hasn't
Turned up for my rescue.

Are you afraid of
The dark too?

If you aren't. Come,
Help me.

The Addiction

The horizon lost
In the west has
Reappeared in the east.
And again nothing
Has changed.

The coffee cup
Still unwashed,
Scars unfaded,
The summer goes again
Assuring no warmth,
Rains without a lush.

And like a
Psychedelic song
Fashbacks in a loop,
Here I sit turning
Days into weeks,
Months into years.

Addicted to waiting,
Sadness is now
A habit.

Verbal Carnage

Through the darkness,
I stare at the ceiling.
It can't get any emptier.
And the silence spreads.
Smothers my mind
With a blank paper.
A blinding white.

A lonely echo from
Around the corner says,
Darling, you don't need
A pen to carve
Your words tonight.
I'll just make you bleed.

And this carnage
Goes on very night.
And you my friend,
If you ever fall short
Of words, come. Collect.
There's enough
Bloodshed.