The college lawn once.
Hugged me under the
Streetlight at night.
Dragged me to the biggest
Romantic movie of that
Time and took me to her
House to make me
Meet her mom.
It was all new to me.
Hesitant. Awkward.
And totally on backfoot-
But it was nice. I think.
On a college trip,
She made me carry her
Near the waterfall.
Everyone around cheered.
Months after that
When she said it.
Said it aloud like it was
Obvious- I froze.
I snapped.
I said nothing.
I didn’t accept or deny.
Maybe I wasn’t ready.
Maybe I didn’t trust myself-
my future,
my ambitions,
my unfinished plans.
Maybe I was afraid
of it becoming real.
Then I pretended I
moved on.
She moved on faster.
Got a job, changed city.
She got married and
Now has a kid.
A decade later, when
I think of her sometimes.
Not as regret or rejoice.
But as a loose recapitulation.
It's just a blur.
On cold nights like this,
when memory returns
uninvited, I can’t tell
If those moments truly
happened or I imagined them.
I wanted something
beautiful to have happened
to me once. And it did.
But revert back to reality
Like it didn't.
This constant lingering
From doubt to fancy-
A poem is the worst thing
That can happen to you
On lonely nights.
Or the best, depending
Upon the levels of misery
You're dealing with.