28 October 2025

Absurdist advice you will not follow

Bite your tongue 
intentionally and act like 
it’s the end of the world. 

Pinch yourself on the 
left thigh and announce 
how strong you are. 

Eat 10 green chilies 
at once and write about 
how salty the tears are. 

Sit beneath a banyan tree 
for a day and announce you 
are enlightened.

Thereafter, declare to
your family that you're 
renouncing the world-

and eat like a glutton, like 
you would be an ascetic 
the next day. 

Then, leave your home 
at midnight. Walk away 
barefoot and by noon-

when you feel hungry,
ask for alms, and if they don’t 
offer any, come back to 
your cozy bed. 

Look in the eyes of the
faces in the house that don’t 
have any remorse.

Smile at them and say 
thank you for watching,
like you were a side 
character of a TV serial-

And then, this is important.
get to your room.
turn the blinds on-

Incognito, jerk off.
Get under the blanket 
and thereafter cry.

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