We're men,
Running from the life's truth,
In search of a convincing lie.
Busy, wasting time to earn,
Again spending it to waste time.
How we live?
Revolving around consumerist ethos,
Doomed in convincing ourselves this lie,
When we already know what's the truth.
And finally, here we're
Obsessed with future,
Regretting wrecked past
While present is in crisis.
Some people walk in your life.
One or two,
Physically or virtually become part of routine.
In a short span start imbibing in your memories,
And penetrate into your little beautiful world.
At times a confusion arises.
You feel you've got something to tell.
And you know? You just can't.
It's like this,
You want to tell it. Also don't want to. You try to give clues but yet,
Not satisfied, that she haven't got you.
And one fine evening you decide,
'I'm gonna tell, let the world burn'
But again your courage gets shattered.
Many give words to these paradoxes,
I couldn't name it,
May be don't want to.
I don't wanna name it as friendship,
Nor confine it as love.
Thought it's something beyond,
And just choose to let it go.
These days,
My mind goes empty,
Heart remains drab.
I try to sleep but
Till late I keep awake.
The dead silence around,
Whispers rattle of shattered dreams.
These scars remind me,
The agony of those fresh wounds.
Closed doors at which I stare
Tells that I've been ignored.
For the promises that are broken,
I feel like weeping.
But I withhold it in eyelashes,
For no one is here to comfort me.
Then to divert from everything,
I just listen to tickling clock.
Slowly, the tickle drives me asleep.
-Jatri
Truth is a dangerous thing,
For its variable in space and time.
When a man speaks a truth,
The person targeted understands it in one way,
Others perceives it other way.
And in process of convincing all,
It becomes a different truth.
Not all truths bring happiness,
Not all lies hurt.
I suppose,
The truth that hurts is more than a lie,
The lie that keeps happy is a better truth.
Since no one knows absolute truth,
It's only convinced in different versions.
'Life of Pi' seemed to be a special movie for me. Caught hold of my emotions in a different manner. Specially the dialogue that comes when Richard Parker departs from Pi, ''I suppose in the end, the whole life becomes an act of letting go. But what always hurts most is not taking a moment to say goodbye''. It closely associates with everyones life. It becomes the most emotional quote for me and also sends fears down me sometimes. Fear to let go somebody like Richard Parker.
After I was out of school, the agony of departing from my best friends circle was always haunting. Always my worry was I've just lost it. Lost those seven years which would never come back. I can never do things as we did it all together. Laughing, dancing, playing, eating, bathing and what not? That initial one year out of school was just a hell. I was so secluded and life then was so drab that it took much time for me to adjust to new friends and new world.
Often I used to get thoughts like what if I just pass away one fine day? The very idea dreaded me. I just don't want to simply fade away. Always I used to think, even now I think of thanking everyone who came in my life and tell them what they meant to me. I just don't want to suffer again as I repented when my roommate just passed away. Raju, was may be one of finest friend I had. An innocent lad who taught me about dedication and devotion in life, one fine day he just faded away from my life. I could hardly believe it. That one month I was in Pune. He used to text me often and because of roaming I didn't replied him anytime. Even didn't called and talked to him for about one month during my stay in Pune. When I returned to college, he was not there. I thought he may join directly first day of college. But he didn't. Later when I felt he should have been there by now, I called him but there was no sign reaching him. Next day his uncle conveyed us that Raju's no more. It was such a worst moment of life. A life just vanishes away and we're compelled to believe it. It's the hardest part of it.
May be that's why the dialogue sucks out all my emotions. It has happened to me. Good and bad part of life is many lives get attached to it that it never lets anyone to simply fade away. So I suppose in the end, the whole life becomes an act of letting go. But what always hurts most is not taking a moment to say goodbye.
Yesterday morning we reached Haridwar. After roaming around, by noon we reached Rishikesh. I took no long to figure out that there is rafting facility. Since me and one of my friend had an unsatisfied experience in rafting in Dandeli, we dragged another ten boys with us and just decided go rafting in the white cold waters of the great Ganges. It was told that we'll be charged only 350/- each for 18km rafting. We agreed for that. The charges seemed very cheap because in Dandeli we were charged 1500/- for 6-7 km rafting. After our our crew was ready we're taken to the spot in a trax. Within an hour we're ready at the spot, wearing a life jacket, helmet, a paddle and raft. We had an instructor too.
The place over there was covered with beautiful mountain ranges all along the way. I suppose they're Shivalik ranges. Amidst those, green tinged water of Ganges flowed, which has set bed of beautiful fine sand on the bank. One can see hundreds of tents all along. Ofcourse I was jealous of all them. With the paddle in the hand along with life jacket and helmet we felt almost like warriors and screamed a lot with all available slogans. It was like a wild bird has awoke from within.
When everything got set, the instructor gave some basic instructions to be followed during emergencies and how to paddle etc. We were ready to sail away. We left the shore, the instructor screamed 'Ganga ma ki' and we together cried 'Jai'. It was like heaven. We peddled following the instructors commands. There were some places where the flow was more rapid. At those places the water flow used to throw the raft up and again leaving it to thump back which splashed water on us. My heart used to be heavy at those moments. The chill waters sent shivers, that used to make us scream.
After we reached certain distance. The water was still. The instructor asked if we wish to spend time floating on water. Ofcourse I was waiting for that particular moment since I had experienced it already. As he said it. I clutched my hand to the rope by the side of raft and just fell in water. I went inside the water, lost breath for some seconds and water went in through nose. And you know how one feels when it happens so. The life jacket brought me up. I enjoyed the float longitudinally for sometime. Then I stretched my hands side ways keeping head and legs straight to body. In this particular position, the life jacket makes one float in a perfect relaxed position. Oh!! Hard to explain that tranquillity. The moments were so serene and to add beauty to it I just chanted the poem ''Pighle neelam sa behta hua ye sama. Neeli-Neeli si khamoshiyaan" from ZNMD. Though no one over there knew what that great poem meant, I didn't wanted to give up that madness.
Beside this ecstasy, the matter of anguish was all others were searching us. My escort professors were almost broke. We called them in the middle of our voyage but all we got is bloody scoldings. At that point we were enjoying the last moments of our endeavour. Paddling it more rapidly till the hands ached alongside keeping our high frequency screams constant. We hurried fast towards bus as we got to the shore. The professor had called to our parents. As my number comes first in the roll call list. I was the first victim. That part was really terrible. Heavy assault with scoldings from both sides. I got strong warnings from my father. We just took every scolding as a masala for what all we experienced for past few hours. Atleast the freedom should cost that much, 'freedom is not free'. Finally I would say, I really feel that Uttarkhand is a good destination for hangout with friends. It has many great facilities to spend time. Just don't want to miss any of it. So let me wish to visit here again with a better dynamic and mad crew of navodayans.
Not always we should be happy,
Sometimes let sadness break the monotony.
Not always we should be clear,
Sometimes confusion adds great memories.
Not always we should judge people,
Sometimes let's walk in their shoes to behave matured.
Not always we should be charming,
Sometimes being absolutely boring gives us freedom.
These ups and down add life to our days,
Otherwise stagnation is almost death.
Running like a rat is everyone's fate,
Sometimes just relax and say, fuck it....the feel will be great.
Sometimes,
Caress of flowers hurt,
Thorns soothe me.
Thunder behold me,
And rain turns me lackadaisical.
Some lies have buoyed,
Truths have torn me apart.
Exhaustion has inspired,
My potency turned me lazy.
The only thing I realised each time was,
With bondages I was maniac,
This freedom alone has kept me lively.
-Jatri
Wishing for a thrust from within,
Waiting I was for her advent.
She came when the heart was yawning,
Was going when my heart was yearning.
Was that a dream?
In half sleep, I could only stand
Staring at her fading silhouette.
By a corner I sat and tried not to cry,
But tears rolled down unknowingly,
For I being abandoned.
In this tear fall, though I don't want to drown,
I'm not a swimmer even, to get through.
-Jatri
There is rain,
There is pain,
And a confusion.
To dance with the rain,
Or cry for my pain.
There was rain,
There was pain,
To not let go the moment in vain,
Crying for the pain,
I danced with the rain.
-Jatri
People come, people go.
People come, people stay.
Many have stood and gone.
I been through to them.
One came, penetrated
And went away.
I sat waiting,
She never been back.
One day, I stood
And came out.
Now I see, I had stood, at
My through to this present.
I thought she was in me,
But in her I stood.
When I came out, she was there.
And she is my through.
-Jatri
Once I fell for you.
The more I tried to heal,
Deeper these wounds grew.
More I ignored,
More I became concerned.
And more I cared,
They started expanding.
Caught between heart and mind,
A kind of obsession grew.
Prone were my thoughts,
Victim was my freedom.
With my wrecked will,
I was deeply tangled within. And
To revert back, I decided to be still.
About them I didn't care,
Didn't ignore nor tried to heal.
And one morning I was back,
With no obsessions.
Healed were the wounds,
But the scars persist.
Those I could never abandon.
-Jatri
Amidst hub of green trees,
By the side wall,
A dry tree stood.
All the leaves of hope lost,
Stretching it's withered limbs,
Against the taunt of other
Green blooming trees,
It stood firm and sturdy.
Though withering, it's desperate.
Lone but resolute,
Battered but still resilient.
Amidst hate, patiently,
It was raising above hate.
This evening it held me,
May be because,
While I was finding myself in it,
I was learning something, from
This dry tree, that is hiding its roar
And standing docile.
-Jatri
A friend I had.
Together we roamed,
Laughed, danced.
Tied with the goals,
To assume some roles,
We diverged in two roads,
Kept diverging.
Distance grew, too long,
Our voices started fading.
Our memories, the ego did scatter,
For both it little did matter.
Neither he took a shortcut,
Nor I raised my voice and then
There was silence.
The silence grew, too deep, that
He became deaf for me and
I been dumb for him.
Been dumb and deaf for eachother.
~Jatri
(My friend Wasim was responsible for this poem. The poem is squeeze of what all went through me during a cold war between me and him.)
There is a place.
Away from this roar and race.
Upon the hill, across the lake.
Where the green grass has
Smoothened the scaly land.
Where the birds come to rest
To to slake their thirst.
Where the gentle wind rustle the leaves,
To chorus the birds that sing.
To there my dear. An evening.
Let's go, to rattle around.
Forgetting all preconceived thoughts,
Let's sit quietly at an end.
To watch the birds that take flight,
To fly across the horizon,
While the mellow sun starts fading,
Let our silence speak.
~Jatri
Giving someone a hug,
When you yourself need it,
Can be a most courageous moment of your life.
Being the reason for a smile on someone's face,
When your own smile is lost,
Can be a greatest ethic you posses.
Comforting someone,
When you yourself are frustrated,
Can be a greatest venture you can ever do.
And sharing your time with someone,
Even when you're too busy to look back,
Can be a biggest favour you can do to someone.
Because, Life is not a competition,
Neither we're competitors.
It's a journey and we're Pilgrims.
(Thanks to my junior. A SMS sent by her is impetus for this poem.)
ಮನದಾಳದ ಮಾತೊಂದು ಹೊರಬರುವಾಗ,
ನಿನ್ನ ಹೃದಯಕ್ಕೆಡವಿ ಗಂಟಲಲ್ಲೇ ಇಂಗಿಹೋಗಿದೆ.
ಕಣ್ಗಳಿಂದ ಹೊರಹೊಮ್ಮಲ್ಲಿದ್ದ ಭಾವೋದ್ವೇಗದ ನೋಟವೊಂದು
ನಿನ್ನ ನೋಟಕ್ಕೆ ತಾಗಿ, ಕಣ್ಣ ರೆಪ್ಪೆಗಳಲಿ ಮುದುಡಿಹೋಗಿದೆ.
ಏಕಾಂತದಲ್ಲಿ ಮೂಡಿದ ಎಷ್ಟೋ ಭಾವನೆಗಳು, ನಿನ್ನನ್ನೆದುರಿಸದೆ,
ಬೇರಾವೋ ಮಾತುಗಳ ಕಂಬಳಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಮುಸುಕು ಹಾಕಿವೆ.
ಪ್ರಸ್ತಾಪಿಸಬೇಕೆಂದು ಎನ್ನ ಹೃದಯ ಪುಟಿದೆಬ್ಬಿಸಿದ ಭಾವ,
ನಿನ್ನ ಸ್ನೇಹ ಕಳೆದುಕೊಂಡೀತೆಂದು ಬೆಂದು ಮೂಲೆಯಲ್ಲಡಗಿದೆ.
ಮನದಾಳದ ಆ ಮಾತು ಎಡವಿ ಹೊರಬರುವಾಗ,
ಕಳವಳದ ತೀರದಲ್ಲಿದ್ದ ಎನಗೆ
ಕೈಬೀಸಿ, ಬದುಕಿನ ತಿರುವಿನಲಿ ನೀ ಮರೆಯಾದೆ.
ಜಾತ್ರಿ
God is not just a statue,
He's a virtue within.
He's not a concept,
A belief within.
Neither he's prophet nor religion.
He's a religiousness,
Meant to make you humane.
He's not a master,
Nor you're his puppet,
To follow his orders.
He's but a friend to be understood.
For some god may be love,
And for some truth.
Compassion for one,
And honesty for other.
Some see him in others,
And some within.
You can call me atheist,
But I'm a thiest.
Since my god can never be your god.
When the day is done complaining,
Battered by classes, abused by teachers,
Baked by the sun and fed up by the rest.
I come home exhausted in the evening.
After tight dinner, before sleep engulfs me,
I pace along the field in the mild moon light,
With the cool breeze.
The moon and night breeze are that companions.
Who erase my daily worries and please.
Whenever our eyes met,
Whenever you passed by me,
When I started to expect a smile from you And longed to give you back one.
I often asked myself,
why it happens to me?
Whenever we talked for hours,
Chatted over night.
When you shared everything with me and
I enjoyed to do the same.
I asked myself,
In what way you're related to me?
But, when you took over my loneliness,
When I started smiling over your thoughts foolishly,
When I felt like staring at you as long as I can and
Escaped your sight before you noticed my eyes.
I asked myself again,
What's it?
Then my heart replied,
May be this is love.
Late in the evening,
when the sun is at horizon,
when everyone starts to move,
I sit on the bund and wait for you...
The birds are almost on their way home,
while some boys call me to join them for walk,
I take excuses to sit there again
And sat there waiting.
I unlock and lock my cell repeatedly,
look around and keep throwing stones.
Uproot the grass sometimes and wait.
But yet, no signs your appearance.
After an hour, when it's almost dark,
Someone in pale tops and dark skirt appeared,
But, it took no longer to learn that she was my junior.
She sighs and goes. Still I wait..
Very late in the evening,
when it was getting darker.
My cell rang. You told, you'll not be coming.
In a deep silence, I stood for a moment and went away...
How can I forget those days in your
bosom,
The vivid memories still blossom.
P.T sir stood with a gun,
To tell us importance of morning run;
Behind every effort shun
that, we had greate fun.
Even after our every grudge,
House Masters used to urge;
We thought they were greatest pest,
But now I realise, they were the best.
One day,
I was late to class, after a noon nap,
which I took at short gap;
I remember that Principal's slap;
which had sounded like clap.
There is no substitute for Navodaya's
Bisi Bele Baat taste,
and surely everyone is missing the
tradition of sharing paste.
Those memories can never perish,
Recalling those I still relish;
Those who have forgotten are foolish,
And those who remember will cherish
.
So beautiful were those days,
to embrace them again, I pray;
Why those seven years didn't
remained as such,
The memories haunt me so much.
The wind blows,
To gather the fleeting clouds.
All together they laugh.
Rain is their laughter.
It rains and seeds sprout,
a plant grows,
in spring the flowers bloom.
Plants laugh as flowers.
On a blossoming tree,
birds come to rest,
enjoying that beauty they sing.
The laughter comes out as a song.
Again,
The song dissolves in wind.
A cool breeze blows,
rest lives enjoy the breeze.
And the wind laughs by spreading laughter.
