First Day

If I were in the first 

Year of college today.

On the first day and 

In the first class-

Among the band of

Those lean girls with 

Deep eyes..

You would be there

Too-- soft cheeks

And a bright smile.

Not hesitating to

Laugh gracefully with

Those feeble lips.

Not at all bothering 

To mark my humble 

Presence-

Casually playing 

With the strands of 

Your hair to cook

Guys like me..

Who would still be 

Thinking, infatuation 

Is a crime.

Maybe I would slip

Into a whirlpool of 

Fantasy to fall for you 

Eventually, and never 

Conjure up any courage 

To confess about the 

Ocean I carry.

And maybe after 

Brooding for over 

Four years-

On the last day of

College, in the

Farewell Program-

I would gather just 

Enough voice to ask for

A pic with you and

My wingman would 

Mess with the camera..

And your persona in

The blue saree would 

Forever go fading in 

Memory for years or 

Perhaps for decades.

When I Can't Fall in Love

When I saw you 

Yesterday, standing 

Outside the metro.

The sky didn't melt.

Earth didn't shake.

It didn't rain.

And as we walked,

As I tried to catch 

Your glance-

My stomach didn't 

Conjure any butterflies.

Or my head didn't sink

In imagination of a

Rainbow laden sky.

Blood didn't rush

To my veins, bones

Or to the one that 

Erects.

I wonder if this isn't 

Love. I wonder if 

This longing isn't 

Enough.

I've deliberately 

Dug up my fantasies 

To plant my desire-

But nothing has 

Bloomed yet.

It feels weird to not

Fall for you.

These bones of Iron

And muscles of steel

And the sparks that

Fall short in the nerves

Ask only one thing-

What's worse?

Digging up love when

There isn't or unable 

To feel its presence 

When it's abundant.

Delulu

This wind that 

Must be passing 

Through her loose 

Hair..

The stream that 

Must have flowed

After caressing her

Gentle feet..

This feeling of 

Breathing under the 

Same sky as her.

Feeling constantly 

Her whispers in my 

Ears-

I paint her with my

Fascination in the 

Eye of my mind.

I adorn her with 

Stardust in my heart.

The artist I wanna 

Become, what a 

Feast, she is to my 

Rose-scented desires.

Lost in the maze 

Of swirling starlight.

Dumb struck and 

Humble..

Ohh! How astray 

I am on my own 

Definitive paths. 

I know the birds 

In the sky, give no 

Damn about me but 

How good it feels to

Say to myself-

They might be 

Carrying the songs

She has sung,

Why else would they 

Chirp so good in

A place where I

Happily reside?

Fading

There's a memory of 

You and me.

Sitting by a lake.

Stream of water 

Flowing through our

Feet and you talking 

About an exotic fish.

I try to hold on to it.

I paint it daily in the 

Canvas of my mind.

Attend to details,

Fine-tune it to the way

It's supposed to look.

It's been a decade

With this carpentry 

And for the first time 

Now. This morning I've 

Forgotten your face. 

The shape of your 

Nose has faded out

Of my fancy.

Glint of your eyes 

Has disappeared in

The hiccups in my

Longing.

The tone of your

Voice seems to have

Embraced a void 

And your fragrance 

Has stopped triggering 

The saudede in that

Place beyond.

I try to hold onto your

Your silhouette at least.

Try to fill you in from

The archives.

But another year passes 

By and I find myself 

Painting the lake bland 

With me alone looking 

Vacantly in the distance.

Maybe I'm with thoughts 

Of that exotic fish

You talked about.

Not knowing you faded

Away mid-sentence-

Still too eager hear the

Next thing you'd want

To say. But there's 

Silence and silence 

And silence..

Refusal

I refuse to look you in

The eye. I refuse to 

Let my feelings run wild.

Your slender hands and

Gleaming face.

Tiny feet and the way you

Sway when you walk...

I refuse to conjure the

Moon. I refuse to 

Soak my fantasies in 

The blue sky.

I like listening to you.

I like talking to you...

But somehow I refuse

To use the other four

Lettered word for the 

Things I adore in you.

Don't know why falling 

In love with you feels

Like a crime.

Don't know why I think 

Your name would hesitate 

To sit beside mine.

I don't know what 

Holds me back. 

Believe me I've even 

Deliberately tried.

My hesitation to answer 

The question you're.

The mystery you've become 

That I refuse to solve..

Thrusting words to this

Feeling feels like a crime.

Yet you fleet in every 

Act of mine.

I refuse to look you in

The eye. I refuse to 

Let my feelings run wild.

Next Frame

Right here, this moment.

Under the yellow light.

While chills of December 

Teases our passion..

What would you wanna

Remember from this

Passing time?

The rustle of leaves 

Against passing traffic.

The elasticity of desire

Across our eyes.

The door of my house

That wants to open and 

A hot cup of coffee that 

Wants to be brewed to 

Host you once.

What should we do with 

This hesitant longing 

That makes us stand 

Below my apartment?

If someone should take

A photograph of us now.

You in red chudi and 

Me in yellow-T and jeans..

Years later, if someone 

Should See it and wonder,

Where the next frame

Went?

What should I say?

We ended up together 

Or just turned into 

Familiar strangers?

Enchantment

What eyes have cast a bad spell 

On me. I do not know. I stand in front 

Of the mirror often and smile.

What shadows have colored
My beliefs. I do not know.
I question myself often and sigh.

There are doodles in the
Last pages of the notebook.
There's a name dancing on my lips-

I don't want to say aloud.
Fresh bloom of roses in my garden.
The lilies are open for an affair.

What witch has unleashed her
Enchanted cats on me,
My head full of rats is on riot.

The resistance inside asks if
It can bell the cat and I almost budge
To the onslaught of demands but

Something tells me to loosen up
A bit. I do not know what makes
Me go crazy these days-

Just wanna throw my hands
In air and artlessly dance.

Wish we could be friends again

Before I saw rainbows

In your eyes and 

Bloom of roses in 

My heart.

There was an island 

Where we could casually 

Talk, laugh, cuss and

Gossip.

There wasn't anything 

Special about the things 

You did.

Not receiving a call for

Weeks wasn't an issue.

Even talking to you

For hours didn't build up

Any expectations.

Then a fantasy grew.

Things changed.

Our island got infested  

By butterflies.

And when you ask why 

Can't we be friends..

I don't know what to say.

The dangle of earrings, 

Carve of your lips.

God! How your smile is

Enchanting these days..

I wish I can ignore 

The strands of your hair 

Caressing your cheeks.

I wish your persona

In the black attire 

Doesn't hamper my

Heartbeat..

If you can tell me

Convincingly why the 

Hell we can't be a thing..

I'll tell you exactly why

Can't we be friends 

Again.

Till then adios my

To be or not to be 

Friend/lover with an L.

Men In Love

I don't want this night to 

End. I don't want this 

Conversation to run out

Of steam.

The moonlight reflecting 

From your eyes and

The enchantment your

Lips have cast..

There's something about 

Today's sky. 

Something about you in 

This cold-stricken passage 

Of time.

The sways of your hair 

Against your cheeks.

My heart playing tricks 

With my senses..

It's hard to express.

Your persona building a

Nest in me like you're a 

Sparrow and my yearning 

Finding excuses to make

You origami crafts.

Damn this feeling.

Why would anyone 

Stereotype men as 

Strong and haughty?

They clearly haven't seen 

A guy fall in love. 

Smooth like fragrance.

So soft, even a thousand 

Feathers can't match 

The caress.

A man falling in love is

Like a little girl's dream

Translating on her face 

When she's asleep.

You gotta be careful 

To capture it.

It's a momentary lapse

Of reason. 

A little rush and 

He'd be conscious.. 

And you may never see 

That blush again.

Well, till maybe when 

He'd be blessed with a 

Daughter in some 

Imaginary future.

'S'

This urge to capture 

Her pics. This urge to 

Scream her name.

The butterflies in the 

Stomach that want to 

Manifest but don't want to 

Make anything obvious-

There's pic of an old man

Walking away in my gallery.

And of a wrapper of 

Cadbury dairy milk.

A leaf of mango and 

A discarded pen I found 

When I was walking her

To the library.

This urge to scribble 

Her name in the last page,

But it goes only till 'S' to 

To become something else.

I realize. These pics are 

The moments I steal as 

Souvenirs around my 

Feelings for her.

Random, hopeless and

Not so loud pics- 

An attempt to hide my 

Longing, even from myself.

Yet this urge to preserve 

Her presence-

The 'S' that became 

'Seagull' in my pen name.

The unsung part is the 'P.S'

That hides the things

My backspace couldn't.

First Date

We had so many things

In common.

Cup cakes over any other.

Bike over cars. 

Ice cream after tea in

The winters and long

Unplanned walks than

Waiting for buses.

We hit it off well, 

That evening.

"Lunch Box" over any

Other movie.

Periwinkles anyday than

Daisies.

We sat for long, 

Discussing how marriages 

Are scams and where all 

One can travel with all 

The saved money.

We decided to meet

Again after a year,

In the same place if

Things work out.

I was almost leaving,

Disappointed.

Then you appeared on

A bike suddenly asking 

How about Ice-cream 

After tea? And I said

To Ma that night,

Bahu mil gayi.

Hiraeth

At the edge of the world,

The house we built when

We were on good terms.

I stopped there for a while 

When I was passing by tonight.

A dinner table in the hall,

Two tea-cups that aren't 

Empty. Bindi on the mirror,

An arm length wreath of 

Jasmine that wants to find

Solace in your braids.

The small geoid marked 

With places we wished to go.

It still rotates.

The door is forever open

And the doormat still flaunts 

'Welcome' in colours.

The kid of our fancy calls 

Your name and I haven't 

Lied to her yet.

"Mom has gone shopping"

I repeatedly say and 

Believing my words, 

She goes on playing in 

My head.

I want to

I want to let out a
Warm sigh on your neck
While I play with
The strands of your hair.

I want to stay buried in
Your touch while you
Complain about your day
At work.

I want to recite to you a
Romantic poem written
By a rogue poet to

Tell you how I wish to write
Something that great
But unable to pen down.

All I want is, to trace
Back every romantic
Thought of mine to your
Presence. Or absence.

Might sound like a bogus
Fantasy of a hopeless poet.
Come to me once, 

I'll show you-

How the warmth of

My thoughts, 

Down your creases,

Can make you melt.

Shower of my passion 

To invoke a desire 

Can make you wet.

Turned Tables

When they lost their language.

Unable to smile at each other.
Unable to pick up signs.

Silence that howled around
Like fragrance. It grew hooks
To pierce their skin.

So they stood at the end of
A road with a doused lamp,
With nowhere to go.

Somewhere down the line,
They knew they had to
Inevitably end in each other.

So they decided to write poems
To each other to open a new
Tunnel of communication.

He says "You shall be condemned
To the shackles of moonlight"
Instead of fuck you.

"I dare you to fetch rose water
So I can drown you in my solitude"
She screams instead of

Giving him a fuck you too.

Pheonix

We sit by the river in 

Silence and her eyes talk

About "How we give wings 

To passing moments to 

Make them memories."

My eyes have a different stand.

"The ticks bore each other 

And set one another on fire.

Memories are ashes,

Self-immolation of moments."

She knows it. About my

Cynicism and I know well,

How she always tries to

Fill the gap.

So she asks me to give her

A stone. Throws it into 

The lake holding my hand.

A phoenix rises shaking off

The ash. And she says-

"We're that dip and 

The subsequent flight."

But Hey

Your smile is imprinted 

On my chest and heart

Beats differently now.

The urge to steal your 

Glances, longing to imagine 

Your name beside mine.

I wished for your love 

That night and watched

A shooting star.

Wore a yellow T-shirt 

The next day, wishing 

You'd wear something 

Of the same shade.

The coincidence seemed 

Odd to you maybe but 

Hey, you smiled again.

The weight of your elegance 

On my weak shoulders-

I'd to forget gravity to

Match your grace. But,

Now I levitate. None of 

This has to make sense

But Hey, you smiled at me

And I smiled at you.

The world became 

Insignificant and I've too.

Leap

The wet floors and
The banana peels are just
Excuses. My fickle heart
Likes to slip and take leaps.

The sunsets, the moon.
Colors and the melodies-
Spring is here and my
Garden hasn't bloomed.

Body fancies bruises that
Only you can bless,
Gleam of your eyes to cleanse
The clutter in my chest.

The pen bleeds but for whom
It doesn't know yet.
But I wait for you to smile.
A cue enough to levitate-

My fickle heart likes to
Slip and take leaps, and
Now that I've seen you,
Maybe, only at your behest.

Last day of Delhi

After we talked for long on
Your terrace- last day of Delhi.
The half-beer against the
Full meal got to my head.

I didn't gather myself to
Tell it to your to your face,
So I sent you an SMS,
Can I Hug You..?

You didn't say anything.
Made excuses to sneak
Down the stairs.
Aloof, dejected..listening to

'No Surprises' I spread
Myself on the terrace
Cursing the shooting stars
That aren't in my fate.

Then a sudden brush of hair 
On my face and the warmth
Of your lips on my cheek.

When I opened my eyes-

A fading image of yours

As you rushed back down the stairs.
The sudden blues in the sky,
A bloom of roses and it played-

'What a wonderful world'.

The Childishness We've Outgrown

To have us feel 

Each other's breath, 

You inhale a chunk of air 

To exhale it steadily on  

My belly.

You ask me to do 

The same. I think you're 

Crazy but I do it anyway..

The warmth creeps under 

Our skin..it tickles.

It's a bit of an innocent kink,

Makes us foolishly 

Giggle.

When did this fragrance 

In us lost its way?

We love, like dark strokes

In shades of grey 

These days..

The lost revolt of colors 

In the dark..

Two drooped flowers,

Not even excited about 

The morning sunshine.

You say 'I love you '

From the other end..

And I don't instinctively 

Conjure my wit to 

Flirtfuly say..'and lust..?'

Snake Bites the Tail

I look you in the eyes 

And you look in mine. 

For a while each question 

Stands answered and 

Each puzzle solved.

Our lips quiver and we

Explode in a fire of desire.

But love still asks 

Un-answerable questions,

Beautiful or not.

But the answers do not 

Matter when we subsume

Ourselves in one another..

The questions and answers 

Shake hands now.

The snake bites its tail and 

We become a paradox.