The Karadi Joke

Banavasi was the last place of our visit on a three day trip that monsoon. The whole journey was full of fun. The journey, most of it, involved revisiting school memories and laughing over the funny incidents. On the way back when the lazy, cloudy noon was spreading the blanket of drowsiness, someone out of the blue just uttered "Karadi Joke". All started laughing just by hearing the name; me too. All except two guys, who didn't have any idea of whatever was going on. As they had left the school after completing 10th class, Sunil and Gavi had missed a huge chunk of Navodaya life including some awefucking humor, of which this joke was a part.

The Karadi (bear) joke was told to us by our seniors. Since then, it has been told, retold, to all sorts of male adults. And it sure becomes popular readily among any normal adult crowd. Unlike other jokes, this one proceeds like a story involving the group actively. The joke is a real fun when told it for a group. With an element of curiosity and an abrupt twist it leaves one victim. Yeah! Victim is the right word. You’ll know why.

So, someone had uttered the name and though everyone was laughing nobody wanted to be the subject of the joke; but not Sunil and Gavi. They were so held up in the hype created around it that they were willing to be the subjects just to hear the bloody joke. Even upon such an insistence nobody was ready to tell the joke. There were talks about the stories around the joke and the laughter that followed, which didn't stop until Sanjeev declared his willingness to tell the joke. And he held everyone's apt attention. For a moment everyone was serious, as everyone was a potential victim until Sanjya chose his subject. Without beating around the bush, he continued his narration......

On the way back from the town, while walking through the forest, Manja and Sidda encountered a Karadi; he said. (A relieving laughter on everyone's face with eyes set on Manjya and Sidda, who were now caught up in the joke with their fate in Sanjya's hand now).

Shocked at the sight of the Karadi, Sidda climbed the tree, as he believed it wouldn't climb the tree. Manjya didn't know how to climb, so he lied down on the ground holding his breath to deceive the Karadi; betting on a defensive action he had heard in a childhood fairy tale.

The desperate Karadi came around. Stared at Sidda, a victim it couldn't help but ignore. It took a good look at Manjya, who was lying on ground. Went to him, smelt him and felt good about the aroma. Seems he smelt like a pheromone. Didn't matter he was dead or alive, it was horny and it banged his ass. (Everyone in the vehicle except two knew where it was heading and laughing there asses out upon Manjya, yet, waiting for the mystery to be unraveled in a good flow.)

Well that wasn't the end of the story. Sanjya started narrating the second part of the story....

After few days, both found themselves down the same road. Manjya being humiliated last time, had serious thought over the incident and sought help with Sidda. In fact, to tackle such emergencies, he had practiced climbing; though he was not good at it yet. And the Karadi appeared en route. Sidda climbed a tree again. Manjya tried to climb the same tree but couldn't as he was too anxious. Again, he had to disguise himself as a dead body which didn't go well this time too. The Karadi approached him and banged his ass again.
(Everyone laughed for a while and turned to Sanjya as final part of the story was yet to be told.)

This time Manjya practiced well. He never wanted to face such a humiliation again. Also he was angry on Sidda for making fun of him. Given a chance, Manjya wanted to put Sidda in a situation where he could laugh at his face. The opportunity he was craving for came right away when they both took a journey down the same route through the forest.

The Karadi came, wasn't a surprise. Sidda was looking for a tree, Manjya too. Sidda was halfway up a tree when Manjya reached him, pulled him down and made the climb. Sidda was on the tree and Karadi approached him. He couldn't help but hold his breath and lie idle. The Karadi had been through this twice, ain't it? It smelled him browsing his entire body. Sidda was shit scared and he knew what was coming. Sanjya continued....

Even after a good inspection the Karadi was holding itself back. There was a moral awakening. It thought, "Why it has to be the guy on the ground always?" it took a leap of faith, climbed the tree and banged Manjya's poor ass again.

And the crowd burst into laughter. Sunya and Gavya realized, in what kind of havoc they were into. Many confessed their anxiousness of being a subject before Sanjya chose them. Funny thing was most of us had forgotten the joke- at least part of it- and pretended to have known it all along.

A Book with a Bad Cover

The silver jubilee celebration that had gathered hundreds of alumni was over that evening. The nostalgic aura that was all over the place for two days was now a victim of the Sunday evening that was paving its way to the rigid Monday morning. Some had to attend college, others their jobs. Some had to catch a train to Bangalore, others, a bus to elsewhere. I was in the league of the guys headed to Bangalore in a train to attend my college.

It had been a year since I had joined college and my looks were nowhere close to a college guy. Also, it was not the first time I had encountered a situation that had put me in an awkward scenario- like the one I’m going to narrate- about which I don’t really complain.

I was in my usual rags. A knapsack, earphones tucked in I boarded the Channamma Express. As I was searching for my berth, my eyes caught a familiar face. As I approached him, I thought he must be Hanumanthgouda Patil, a senior four years older to me. I paused my music, removed my earphones and said- Hi anna, I suppose you’re from navodaya. Hanumanthgouda anna right?

He- Yes. Indeed. I remember you from yesterday. You’re from which batch?

Me- 18th batch. Ashok sir’s son’s batch mate. Four years junior to you.

He- Oh! Nikhil’s batch. Which college?

Me- (with pride) MSRIT.

He- (in a suspicious tone) Rammaiyaa? Bangalore?

Me- (bit surprised) yeah.

He- studying diploma there?

Me- No. Engineering. Mechanical branch.

He- (suspiciously) management seat?

Me- got it through CET (Common Entrance Test).

He- (surprised) what was your CET ranking?

Me- 1578

He- Good ranking.

Me- thanks anna.

He- (relaxed) who was your batch topper?

Me- me.

He- (with a convinced look) what did you say your name was?

Me- Anna, Warsimakram.

He- (grinning) so you’re the guy on the board.

After another brief conversation about some random stuff, I bid him adieu. The TC had allotted me an AC berth, seems I was lucky.

Again, the earphones in, volumes up, I went on to search my berth.


(Don't be too much inspired. Warsimakram is my good old friend who hangs with me. He is also unemployed. Yo!)

Bleeding Words

The ticking of the clock,
Pierce through my sleep.

My prone mind slips,
Into the routine obsessions and
I restlessly open and close my eyes.

Breaking the tenacity of my will
My thoughts capture me,
Torture me to bleed words.

The Bhang Experience

Two years back I enjoyed Holi in Delhi. I was attending coaching classes for civil service examination in Sriram's, in old Rajinder Nagar (ORN). I had found refuge in IARI, PUSA campus. The reason being, it was near ORN, I'd few friends and food in the campus was great. As the college campus has good number of students from different states, the food arrangements are made made accordingly. I was in Andhra mess since the Kaveri mess was occupied to the fullest capacity. The 'Kaveri mess' where food was served to students from Karnataka, served delicious food. Occasionally I had food there too as I'd few friends there.

I had some vague idea about the Holi celebration in Northern India. Specially the Bhang factor in the celebration held my curiosity the most. As Holi was approaching, I was inquiring more about things related to bhang with my friends and seniors. Many said bhang will be served in the mess itself. I never knew what I wanted was available without an ounce of an effort. I wanted to have at least some bhang on holi and I was badly waiting for it.

On the day of holi in the breakfast itself bhang was served. It was mixed in banana shake and served. I'd two glasses of it at about 8.30 in the morning. There wasn't any difference. Now that was unexpected. There wasn't any kick even after an hour of running around applying colors and dancing. I was disappointed. My mess served very dilute version of bhang I thought. I asked my friend if there's bhang in Kaveri mess and I couldn't wait until he took me to his mess. This time I took a bottle of 1000ml capacity to fill it up as a backup. Besides having the bottle filled, I'd two glasses of it and said, chal 'Rock Kardenge'.

Again after an hour or so nothing seemed to kick in. Even my friend became furious about it. I obviously didn't had any idea how bhang works, neither did he. Then he said, let's finish the bottle. The tables had turned, I was desperate, both gulped the bottle. Seems there wasn't any grace of god on us and this time too nothing surprised me.

Holi celebration in the campus became standstill around 10.30 am. Still there was unused colour and the beast inside me wanted to dance to some DJ badly. Upon all of this, bangh was not doing it's work and campus milieu seemed bit lackadaisical. It was long since I'd done something crazy. So, to let loose myself, I decided to go to ORN. On the way, I went to a friend's room to pull him in the crowd. We both slowly got dissolved in different crowds on our way. While going through the streets people threw water balloons from the top floors of buildings, in distance there was crowd and sound of a DJ, seems that was the day's calling. It was a splendor.

It didn't take long for us to dance to the beats along with a mad crowd. Mingling with small factions, sometimes boys, sometimes girls, the show went on. After dancing for an hour or so a kind of restlessness started to take over me. After a while my consciousness started blinking. Still, I was perfectly normal and dancing. Seems it was time and crowd started to disperse. Me and my friend started our return journey by walk. After walking for a while I felt dizzy and couldn't walk properly. My sight was blurry, I could grasp glimpses of what's going around. He took my hand around his shoulder to keep me moving. I was like a patient, a sack with little life left.

He made me sleep in his room. Covered in colorful filth, I was dead asleep for two hours. After that I woke up cursing the bhang with the same blinking consciousness, which was manageable. Since i was not having cellphone, I'd to go to my room otherwise my roommate have gone nuts over my disappearance. After having some food I felt alright to walk to my room. I walked 2 kilometers with no money in the pocket. After a while the dizziness started maybe due to tiredness. However, with a difficult walk I reached home by 6 pm. The next morning when I was awake, it was 6 in the evening. Can't forget the wtf expression on my face. There were tens of missed calls and sms. I was still a bit dizzy and hungry. Nothing else mattered except some more sleep. Again, I buried my face in my pillow.

ಯಾಕೋ ಮಮ್ಮಾಟ್ಯಾ?

ಪಿಂಟ್ಯಾ ನಮ್ಮತ್ತಿ ಮಗಾ. ಅವನ ಸಾಲ್ಯಾನ ಹೆಸರ್ ಅದೃಶ್, ಆದ್ರ ಅದ ಮಾಸ್ತರನ ಬಾಯಾಗ ಅಷ್ಟ ಚಲೊ ಕೇಳಸ್ತೇತಿ. ಮಸ್ತ ಹುಡ್ಗ, ಆದ್ರ ಬಾಳ್ ಉಡಾಳ. ಎಲ್ಲಾರು ಜೋಡಿ ಯಾವಾಗ ನೋಡಿದ್ರೂ ಮಷ್ಕಿರಿ ಮಾಡ್ಕೊಂತ ಅಡ್ಯಾಡೊ ಮನ್ಷ್ಯಾ. ‌‌ಸಣ್ಣಾವ ಇದ್ದಾಗಿಂದ ಹೈಸ್ಕೂಲ್ ಮುಗ್ಯೋತನಾ ನಮ್ ಮನ್ಯಾಗ ಇದ್ದಾ. ಒಂದ ಜಗ್ದಾಗ್ ಕುಂಡ್ರೊ ಮಗಾ ಅಲ್ಲ ಅವಾ. ಒಟ್ಟ್ ಏನಾರಾ ಕಿತಬಿ ಮಾಡಿ ಯಾವಾಗೂ ಸುದ್ಯಾಗ ಇರಾವ. ಅದ್ಕ ನಮ್ಮ ಓಣ್ಯಾಗ್ ದೊಡ್ಡಾವ್ರ ಜೋಡಿನೂ ನೆಚ್ಚರ್ಕಿ ಮಾಡ್ಕೋಂತ, ಬಾಳ್ ಸಲಗಿಲೆ ಇದ್ದಾ.

ಆ ವರ್ಷ, ನಾ ಕ್ರಿಸ್ಮಸ್ ಸೂಟಿಗ ಮನಿಗೆ ಬಂದಿದ್ನಿ. ಬಾಜು ಹೊಳಿ ಇದ್ದದ್ದಕ್ ಊರಾಗ ಥಂಡಿ ಬಾಳ. ಥಂಡ್ಯಾಗ ಒಂದ ಮಜಾ ಏನ್ ಅಂದ್ರ, ಹರ್ಯಾಗ್ ಎದ್ದ್, ಓಣ್ಯಾಗ್ ಬೆಂಕಿಹಚ್ಚಿ ಮೈ ಕಾಸ್ಕೋಂತ ನಿಲ್ಲೋದು. ಒಟ್ಟ್ ದಿನಾ ಯಾರ್ದಾರಾ ಮನಿ ಮುಂದ ಬೆಂಕಿ ಇರೋದ. ಬೆಂಕಿ ಇದ್ದಲ್ಲಿ ಹರ್ಟಿ ಹೋಡ್ಕೊಂತ್ ನಿಲ್ಲೋದ. ಅವತ್ತ್ ಬ್ಯಾರೆದವ್ರ ಯಾರೂ ಬೆಂಕಿ ಹಚ್ಚಿರ್ಲಿಲ್ ಅನಸ್ತೇತಿ, ನಮ್ ಹುಡ್ಗೋರ ಮನಿ ಬಾಜುಕಿನ ಲೈಟ್ ಕಂಬದ ಬಾಜು, ನಮ್ಮಜ್ಜಗ ಗೊತ್ತಾಗ್ದಂಗ, ಅಲ್ಲಲ್ಲಿದ ಕಬ್ಬಿನ ರೌಂದಿ, ಜ್ವಾಳದ ದಂಟ್ ಮತ್ತ್ ಹುಳ್ಳಿ ಹೊಟ್ಟ್ ತಂದ, ಕಸದ್ ಜೋಡಿ ಬೆಂಕಿ ಹಚ್ಚಿದ್ರ. ಪಿಂಟ್ಯಾ ನನ್ನೂ "ಏ ಮಾವ್, ಎದ್ದ್ ಬಾರೋ ಮಾರಾಯಾ" ಅನ್ಕೋಂತ ಎಬಿಸ್ಕೋಂಡ ಬಂದಾ. "ನಾವ್ ಮಾಡಿ ಬಿಟ್ಟಿದ್ದ ನೀವ್ ಮಾಡಾತೇರಿ ಬಿಡ್ರಿಲೇ" ಅನ್ಕೋಂತ ವಲ್ಲದ್ ಮನಸ್ಲೆ ಕಣ್ಣ್ ತಿಕ್ಕೋಂತ ನಾನೂ ಹೊರಗ್ ಬಂದ್ನಿ.

ಒಂದ್ ನಾಕ್ ಓಣ್ಯಾನ‌ ಹುಡ್ಗೋರು, ಮುಂದಿನ ಮನಿ ಅಜ್ಜಾ ಮತ್ತ್ ನಮ್ಮ್ ಹುಡ್ಗೋರು ನಕ್ಕೋಂತ ಸುತ್ತ ನಿಂತಿದ್ರು. "ಏನೊ ಯಜ್ಜಾ ಅರಾಮಾ?" ಅನ್ಕೊಂತ ಅವ್ರ್ ಗುಂಪನ್ಯಾಗ ಸೇರಿ, ಊರ್ ಸುದ್ದಿ ಕೇಳ್ಕೋಂತ, ನಕ್ಕೋಂತ ನಾನೂ ನಿಂತಬಿಟ್ನಿ. ಮುಂದಿನ ಮನಿ ಅಜ್ಜಾ ಯಾವಾಗೂ ಹುಡ್ಗೋರ್ ಜೊಡಿ ಹುಡ್ಗಾಟಾ ಮಾಡ್ಕೋಂತ‌ ಇರ್ತಿದ್ದಾ. ಅತ್ರಾಗೂ ಪಿಂಟ್ಯಾಂದು ಅಜ್ಜಾಂದು ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಜೋರ್ ದೋಸ್ತಿ.

ಎಳೆ ಆಗಿತ್ತು, ಬೆಂಕಿನೂ ನುಂದಾತಿತ್ತು. ಇನ್ನೇನ ಮನಿ ಒಳಗ ಹೊಂಟಿದ್ದು, ಅಷ್ಟೊತ್ತಿಗೆ ಅಜ್ಜಾ "ಯಾಕೋ ಮಮ್ಮಾಟ್ಯಾ, ಮುಕುಳಿ ಸಣ್ಣಗ ಕಡ್ಯಾತೇತಿ ಏನಾ, ನಮ್ಮ ಮನಿ ಹಂತೇಕ ಉಚ್ಚಿ ಹೋಯ್ಯಾತಿ" ಅಂತ‌ ಅಂದ. ಎಲ್ಲಾರು ಪಿಂಟ್ಯಾಗ ಅಸಹ್ಯ ಮಾಡ್ಕೋಂತ, ಅಜ್ಜಾನ ಜೋಡಿ ರಾಗಾ ಎಳ್ಯಾತಿದ್ದು, ಅಷ್ಟೊತ್ತಿಗೆ ಚಡ್ಡಿ ಉಡ್ದಾರ್ದಾಗ್ ಸಿಗಿಸ್ಕೋಂತ ಪಿಂಟ್ಯಾ ಅಂದಾ..."ಯಜ್ಜ್, ಯಾಕೋ ಗೊತ್ತಾಗವಾತ್ತ್, ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಕಿವಿ ಹಚ್ಚಿ ಕೇಳಿ ನೀನ ಹೇಳ್ಬಾಲಾ." ಅವ್ನೌನ್ ಏನ್ ಉತ್ತ್ರ ಪಾ ಅದು. ಎಲ್ಲಾರೂ ಕ್ಯಾಕಿ ಹೊಡ್ಕೋಂತ ನಕ್ರ. ಅಜ್ಜಗ ಸಿಟ್ಟ ಬಂದ್ರೂ ಅವ್ನು ನಗಾತಿದ್ದಾ. ಆದ್ರ ಪಿಂಟ್ಯಾ ಹಿತ್ತಲ್ಕ ಓಡಿದ್ದಾ. ಹುಡ್ಗೋರ್ ನಕ್ಕೋಂತ ಒಳಗ್‌ ನಡದ್ರು, ಅವ್ರ್ಗೊಂದ ನಗಾಕ ಹೊಸಾ ಕತಿ ಸಿಕ್ಕಿತ್ತ್. ಅಜ್ಜಾನೂ ಒಳಗ್ ನಡ್ದಾ, ಆವ ನಿಲ್ಲೊವಂಗಾ ಇರ್ಲಿಲ್ಲಾ.

The Horrors of that Exam Hall

"ಟೈಮ್ ಎಂಟ್ ಆತ ಏಳೋಲೆ"
(Man! Wake up. It's already 8 am)
My roommate said it like a punch in my face.

Anxiety rushed through my veins. Gosh! Exam is in another hour....damn this alarm.

Without any second thought I caught hold of the xerox papers my roommate had left after he had revised them. Didn't even had time to complain, I'd more than half of the notes to go through. This subject, Agronomy was point of worry since the start of the semester. My first test was not good. Mid term exam pushed the boundaries to today's desperation. The real point of worry was the professor. He was ruthless like dragons of Dany and I don't know why I compare him to that.

The time is running fast, I'm on a hot pan and bloody Arjit Singh is having a concert in my head. Aaaarg!

Slapping some paste on my teeth, washing my face-which didn't really have mattered- heads down, notes in my hand I hurried. Another fifteen minutes left, there is lot to read and without a second glance over the notes I know I will do horribly. Cursing the 'A' in my name I entered the examination hall. Just beside the front row stood the professor with his razor sharp eyes all around. Before I took my seat, my eyes met Nagya's. Even his normal smile looked wicked as he was the topper.

I sat there directly under the nose of the professor who was waiting for a moment to shower his frustration over anyone for the smallest mistakes. It was almost time, question paper now came on the table like death warrant. The first question- multiple choice- stared at me and said "Dude! I got you. You skipped the part I was hiding in". I could hear it's laughter. I thought it's a bad omen and started from the last question. Fortunately I knew the answer. To contain further possible nervousness, I started writing the answer. While I wrote the answer baam!! Arjit again. There were other questions to which I comfortably wrote answers and within an hour I was done with the paper.

I counted my attempted questions and reckoned, without answering a few more, I have no hope at all. I looked around. All the heads around were down. Damn! Looks like everyone has read. There was a churning like feel in my stomach, heart was pounding fast and I was sweating. Also there was a feeling about nature's call.

This was the time I made my moves to socialize the milieu. Peeking through the silence of the room, I prayed for some angel bird - couple of marks and I would pass, give me a sign- to notice my gaze. There was one, fortunately! Firoj in the next row responded to my gesture. While he poised to tell me the answer to the third question, another angel bird noticed my desperate need for help. The help came as a tight slap. There was darkness, I was breathless. Looked like I was lying under a ceiling fan all sweaty. My hands crawled around in search of the time piece. Now there was a relief, finally peace. I was awake half an hour before the alarm.