With a cigarette. Ashtray on
The railings. Peeking hesitantly
At the window of the apartment
Infront of you-
A family having dinner with
Elders and kids.
You don't even recall what's it
Like to have a partner now.
Been years since your wife passed.
And you're not sure if you deserve
Love again this late in life.
This woman you've fallen in love,
Twenty years younger.
The long letters you write her
And tone down before sending.
Why can't you meet her despite
Her insistence?
So used to driving your broken
Car that when the mechanic
In a distant road offers to fix it-
You let it pass.
So afraid of another breakdown
After getting it fixed-
You're weary of hope invading
The cucoon of your comfort.
So you carry your ruins on your
Back to tell yourself that the light
At the end of the tunnel is another
Train coming to crash your life.
Pretty neat pessimism to avoid
Conflict in life.