12 July 2021

Lost Love

Churning flashbacks,
Restlessness in heart.
Should the longing have
Taken birth in me alone..
Oh! mighty God.

Why did you depart?
My love, my heart.
Should you have 
Gone away abruptly?
It's such a quagmire.

Death awaits every
Moment in the
Graveyard of my mind.
Should you have 
Buried our love alive?

It's just your play,
Should you have
Cried such a havoc?
Done with living,
God! Enough of
This life.

Corporate Life

Blood knows 
No enemies.
Thirst remembers
No friends.

The money you've
Lent is as good as
An address-less
Letter you've sent.

The time you've
Spent with her,
Will turn bitter.
Sleep is on sale,
For the restless
Nights ahead. 

Dead are favourites
Of the devil.
The one surviving
Are just tax paying
Cogs of a wheel.

Remind me later,
If you find free air 
To breathe.
What's the point
Of living without
A bit of greed?

In the corridors
Of your office.
An unseen enemy 
Has let you win.

For all the 
Uncommitted sins,
You now douse
Cigarettes butts 
On your skin.

Uncertainty Principle

We're the bike
That broke down
On the highway.
Sweat off the 
Brows in mid-day.

The sulphated
Tears while
Chopping onions.
Heated arguments
Over political 
Opinions.

Capsized paper
Boats down the
Drain.
Circumstantial
Victims of 
Pouring rain.

A mystery on 
Run on a wide
Awake day.
Unwanted luminance
In late night's
Embrace.

To the souls 
Made for each other
We're just devils,
That douse hope
And dance to the
Blue flame.

Of a love story
That hanged itself
With a rope.
Took a bad leap
Off an untrusted
Cliff.

We're just usual 
Scenes of a
Twisted script.
Overacting tropes
Of an un-hurled
Whip.

Don't trust us..

We're the haze
Beyond the 
Morning mist.
Fate beyond 
Calculated grip.

We're agents of
Chaos.
Heisenberg's bravoes.
We're mirages that 
Are just to be 
Passed by.
The obvious that you 
Shouldn't be 
Bothered with.

Beware!
If you look back..
We'll hunt you.
We’ll haunt you.
Get to you in
Your sleep to eat
Your dreams.

11 July 2021

Flower

I'm a flower.
Bee is my
Lover.

Shoot is
My father.
I'm fruit's
Mother.

Bud is my
Brother,
Roots,
Ancestors.

My grandchildren
Feed the worldly
Needs.

You call them
Grains. 
I call them 
Seeds.

Aid of a Kiss

She looks at me
With lots of
Questions.
I look back with
Ton of puzzles.

Like fire and ice.
Red against blue.
Each gaze,
Reinforces a
Raging embargo.

Till it becomes,
Overwhelmingly
Entangled.
Compulsively
Driven by desire.

The rage of eyes
Is doused by
The aid of lips,
We kiss.

We kiss and
All the questions
Are answered.
Mysteries are
Untangled.

There we stood
Tall. Fully high..
With happy sighs.
Like mountains
That just conquered
The heights.

Until, she looked 
Back again.

By then,
The world had
Turned smaller.
We had jumped
Off to space to
Peg a tent.

Life on Toenails

Mornings bring
Endless
Battlefields and
Make me take
Arms.

I shoot birds 
Of hope with
Compulsive
Despair.

Burn budding
Stories with
Half smoked
Cigars.

I've ruined my
Room's walls
With the stains
Of my blood.

Have hit the
Rock bottom
With a pretty
Good thud.

Blue skies are
Just empty wells.
I've chosen death
As my winter wear.

Sorry, you seem
To have something
Else to say..
I wasn't listening..

I've a day to pass,
A war to win.
And prepare myself
For a apocalypse
By night. 

A turmoil in head.
Shipwreck in ribcage.
Tremors to run-down 
My legs..Life stands 
On toenails.

09 July 2021

Freedom Paradox

Can there be 
Freedom without
Walls?
A sight without
Shade of the
Dark?

Life without
Fear of death?
Or a desire 
Devoid of 
Incessant threat?

Isn't poetry a
Bondage of
Words.
Music confined
In pauses of
Sound?

A white page
Is of million
Possibilities.
Plain paint,
Of myriad
Analogies.

Standing still,
How withheld
Is a tree?
Cut-lose kite can
Ever be free?

Liquor isn't the
Only tool,
Eyes are 
Intoxicating too.

Birds can be 
Lonely.
Prisons too 
Can be
Someone's envy.

07 July 2021

Wouldn't I Be Wanna

When it's cloudy,
Wind, steady..
Drizzles a bit to the
Background of a 
Long lost song..

Why wouldn't I
Be wanna slashed
By your smile. 

Why wouldn't I be
Wanna caged in
Your arms. 

Like a cut lose desire,

Why wouldn't I be
Wanna, at the behest
Of your enchanting
Eyes.

22 June 2021

Mercy of a Woman

Time passes 
Slowly
In the clutch 
Of her arms.
Hopes take
A steady birth,
In the sweetness 
Of her talk.

Gravity is nill 
By the side
Of her neck.
Body is afloat 
By the aid of
A peck. 

Vaccum in here,
Her hand is 
On my chest.
By the shine in 
Her eyes...
My darkness is
Done away with.

Light years is
How she measures
Her longing.
Supernova attack
For her rage is 
Befitting. 

She's a 
Multiverse of
Feels and storms.
Reels and norms. 
Of passion and
Luring forms.

She's Galactus...

While stars play her
Pleasing charms.
I'm just lucky 
To sit side by..
At the mercy of 
A woman,
How wouldn't,
The wine taste fine? 

21 June 2021

Muggle

I sleep in a 
Prison.
Wake up
In a bubble.

Eat for
Breakfast,
My day-to-day
Struggle.

All my plans,
Hanged to the wall.
Unfulfilled,
They wriggle.

I don't have
A wand, to be
Done away with
My troubles.

Magic is a 
Luxury sold to us 
For us to watch
And giggle.

Hey there, 
Wizard, under the 
Sheets,
On the streets-

I'm just a Muggle. 

18 June 2021

Suspension

Where words 
Are shackles.
And silence 
Does the work.
Speaking is a
Heavenly sin.

Birds needn't
Always sing.
Clouds needn't
Always precipitate.

A guitar can lay
Idle for while.
Incessant peddling
Will not take 
You far.

Must a child 
Always be named?
How does it matter
Even if the egg 
First came? 

Just sit and
Watch the rain.
Recline and enjoy
A little pain.

You don't need
To always comply
Or complain.
Love is overrated
Anyway...

When empty
Pages have more 
Possibilities to
Offer.. why do you 
Have to pick up 
A pen in vain? 

Miss You

I love her smile.

If and Whys
Inbetween the sighs.
Unexpressed love
In angry disguise.

Ready blush after
Every random praise.
Signs of tears in
Pirated cries.

Her curiosity to know
What'll I do if she 
Suddenly dies?
Hidden longing in
Saying goodbyes..

Peck on neck and
Bites on forearm.
Perches of her nails,
Are sweet designs.

It's almost a years 
After we got apart..
But she still fleets
In my mind like a

Gone rogue desire.

17 June 2021

Dreams

Dreams on a
Mountain to
Go in vain.
Birds in the
Valley think..
Wings are 
Such a shame.

Where,
Breaths are 
Traded to
Outlive a gain.
For an 
Outcome unsure,
A given try
Can attract
Blame.

Talk outright
You'll be 
Called names.
Be silent,
They'll think
You're lame.

Where it does
Rain without
The harvest
Of brain.
A good season
Is just a dump
Down the drain. 

Dreams need 
Nursing even
When you fail.
Pack your bags
And leave 
The place.

As long as you
Keep flying..
It doesn't matter
From where
You came.

06 June 2021

Fed Up

A dried up
Rose petal.
In a decade
Old diary.

Cries out
A story that's
Bruised and
Dreary.

In a room
That has died,
Sitting alone!
It's damn weary. 

The stopped
Clocks often
Tell me a story
That's scary

All abused,
Cock protests.
My hand is
Not sorry.

Tell me,
If you wanna
Rescue, I'll be 
Packed and ready.

Or else, there's
Enough hate to
Torch myself
And be done
Without a worry. 

Search for Art

In the dust-laden dirty rooms.
A flight that's born,
Is an answer to the vast sky.

In a pain-ridden lonely heart,
The melodies that linger are
Replies from the mighty gods.

On a bitterly blue night,
A sunny smile is such a
Revenge on the satanic lord-

The faded photograph in
In the corner, Is a put-up fight
Against oblivion's havoc.

A tug-of-war in my head
Has spilled enough blood on
A paper- a poem is carved.

A pair of wings can be
Cooked in the kitchen,
Redemption now has a recipe.

Existence is cold but we're bold.
Art is our mark, against the
Challenges cosmos throws--

Drums and guitars against
The raging fire. Flutes and
Pianos to choke the volcanic ire.

If the apocalypse is the
Bigger picture--

The music that's brewing in
Our cookers shall be our
Preferred mode of answer.

17 May 2021

Just Smile

A mountain has
Died somewhere.
Birds have staged
A mourning.

An ocean seems
To have dried up.
Men seem have 
Stopped crying. 

A lover's caress
Has lost its glow.
Act of listening,
Is a gone now.

A stranger to 
Feed a stray dog,
Trust in humanity
Has been restored. 

Strange is time,
Changed have
The rhymes.

For all our petty
Chimes, Gods 
Have stopped
Giving hearty whines.

Don't worry you'll
Soon be fine.
Just buckle up..
Wear a smile. 

16 May 2021

Poem Currency

Broken pens
Don't have 
A say.

Empty papers
Are as good
As a hope
That's nay..

For a war
That's waged
In head,

Poetry is a
Price I gotta
Pay.

04 May 2021

Lois Lane

She's a story
Broken out 
Of an empty
Page.

Loneliness,
Freshly out 
Of a 
Windowpane.
..
A dance down
My memory
Lane.

First sign
Of summer
Rain.
..
Between the
White lies
And charred
Truths...

A perspective
She can paint, 
Drives me 
Insane.
..
For the person
I've been.
She has
Little to gain.

I'm no
Clark Kent.
But she's my
Lois Lane. 
.. 

Rorschach

Mother raised
Me by working
In a furnace.

Father named
Me after all
The brothels
He visited.

For the sky
I slashed open
There was
No luminance.

To the 
Bondage I'm fed,
Darkness is
All I can sell.

If you've
Complaints,
Don't just
Start to bark.

For me,
You just might
Be a to be
Squished wart.

While the 
White Doves
Are just a
Playful feed.

For me,

Life is a
Funeral pyre.
Peace is just 
Another sham. 

Empty Page

Shooting stars,
To run down
In vain.
Wishing bones
Are writhing in
Shame.

For a story 
I wanted to write
I've forgotten 
My own name.

Colours faint
Out of boredom,
On the canvas
I want to paint.

Melodies stand
Divided for a
Song that's
On it's way.

Before I could
Conjure,
God has stoned
My fate...

For the 
Shipwreck
Between my
Ribcage...

I'm just a 
Tale in a
Torn out page.

Dirge

Like distorted
Melodies of 
A grieving
Pianist.

She speaks
As if we're
Casualties
In love.
..
Like clouds
Would cry
For death 
Of a crow.

Trees would
Feel for a
Forgotten
Dove.
..
All nights
She paints
Our memories
In black.

Shoots down
Our stories,
Stacked in
The rack.
..
For the 
Stones she is
Throwing at
Our fate.

The fruits
Offered will
Surely stink 
Out a dirge..
.. 

28 April 2021

Forsaken City

Poets have
Cried in
Rhymes.

Tears of
Painters
In dyes.

Symphonies
Wail while
Singers sit by.

In a hopeless
Regime. Of
Homeless desires..

Words written
By little boys
To collapse...

Even the 
Sea breeze
Mourns,

In the city
Of forsaken
Tonight. 

27 April 2021

I was born when

I was born when..

Sun was gone by.
Moon was bit shy.

Only stars were
Around to twinkle,
Before it got 
Cloudy and
Rained all night.
..
I was born when..

With a pinch of 
Yellow and 
Shade of green.
The spring was 
Bidding goodbye..

And from around
The corner,
Summer was 
A proper Hi.
..
I was born when..

Metaphors were
Cast in volcanoes.
Swords were 
Given to men to
Think aloud and
Pen-down verses.

A revolution brew
In great minds.
A spirit of enquiry
Deep down.
..
I was born when..

Even gods 
Would cry. 
Mothers would
Laugh and sigh.
Girls still,
Stole hearts. 
Kids ran around
Fine and wild.

Love grew in
Our backyards
And traveled 
Countrywide. 
..
I was born when..

Humanity hadn't
Lost its way.
Dogs had an
Equal say.
For the good
Deeds no-one
Took credit and

Heaven did go
By merit.
..

26 April 2021

Aspiration

The sky is
On fire.
Invokes in me,
A bold desire.

Should I just
Flap my hands
And fly higher?

Or take leap
And swim in
A sea that's dire?

Something in
The air that 
Makes me aspire.

A spirit of enquiry
Is driving me,
Let me just take

A taxi for hire.


Blame

Beast of the
Ocean,
Can ever be
Tamed.

A boy high
On love,
Will ever be
Sane?

For the 
Shipwreck,
In his
Ribcage,

He has drunk
All year to
Forget her
Name.

Misery is
Optional,
Inevitable
Is pain.

For our own
Acts of vain.
It's we who
Should stand
In shame.

For the sins
Of wine,
Can the gods
Ever be blamed?

Smile a little

Smile a little,

In Saharan Africa,
It just might rain.

Out in an ICU,
You might soothe
Some pain.
..
Smile a little,

A man in a
Lonely room,
Might not go 
Insane.

A Jane Doe 
At the brink. 
Might start 
Living again.
...
Smile a little,

To not let
Soldiers' efforts
Go in vain.

An orphan 
Somewhere, 
Might feel
Embraced.
..
To our cold
Misery,
Let's not let
The world wane.

Ye, all.
Smile a little,
It ain't a bane. 
.. 

Ink Flow

He can't write,
Anymore.
Thoughts have
Gone rogue.

She has 
Gone away,
His heart chokes
In a morgue.

A drought 
In in his mind, 
Hardly anything 
Grows.

It's been ages
Since,
Any of his words
Have last flown.

He's a poet
With a plough.
Tills himself to
Keep the Ink aflow.

But it has stopped
Raining there.
Is there a 
Way out? Bro.


16 April 2021

Procastination

Time and again,
He scrolls 
Through memes.
Tick by tick,
Every minute ends
With a shriek.

Doesn't take 
A peek at
The work that's
Pending from
A week..

Completed a
Revolution,
The hour hand
Vents a cautionary
Scream.

He overlooks
Again,
As if time ain't,
His means.

Day ends with
A screech,
The work has
Gone out of reach.

Gets between
The sheets,
To declare, again,
How tomorrow 
He'll not have
A breach. 

Procrastination,
At its peak.
Another day is
Added on to
The fifteen day 
Streak.

Hero with a Cape

Too much to care.
But I'm left with
No capes to 
Wear.

Most are torn.
One that's left
Is is hung in
The backyard
To dry, I swear.

You're welcome,
To judge.
This how I look
When I ain't brave.

Bitterly blue and
Cold. Stuck in a
Room, with no
Courage to dare. 

Couple of more
Hours, if you may.
Once it dries,
I'll have a mask 
To wear.

After that,
Upon my pants,
Even I can pull on
My underwear. 

13 April 2021

Netflix and Chill

Jack and Jill,
Did a Netflix
And chill.
Came close
At will, then,
Forgot to take
A pill.

Born was Bill.

Expectations
To fullfill.
Sleepless nights,
A daily drill.
Drama was a
Emotional grill.

Life turned
Uphill.

Of that night,
Both are 
Horrified still.
There's a moral
Here, to instill.

If you have time 
To Kill-

Any fancy frill,
But never a
Netflix and Chill.

Forgetting

Each day..
What remains
Of her fades,
A little.

Sometimes 
Her hair.
Sometimes,
How she looked
In a winter wear.

Yesterday day,
It was her 
Second base.
Day before,
Her her curves
Of a flower vase.
Today, I forgot
Her name.

Now,
Only a half
Painted face
Remains in the
Game. 
Of which
I hardly care.

Few more days,
Done and dusted,
She'll be nowhere.

Forgetting
Someone is an
Emotion so rare.
Self love is 
Important,
Buddy, you too, 
Take care.


Way Back

Last night's
Hangover is
Hard to pass.
I can hardly
Make it to the 
First class.

Ain't a good
Student I once was.
She left,
Now I'm an
Empty bottle
Of glass.

Days are
Tough,
Nights are 
Rough.
In exam halls
I often hit a
Duck.

Ran out of luck,
Life's a
Absolute fuck.
This habit is
Hard to check.

Just behind
The rack,
There's another
Bottle of
Daniels Jack,

Enough for today,
To find a
Way back. 

12 April 2021

Naughty Game

Night is up.
Guards are down.
For the game
We're gonna play,
These robes
Are a shame.

My lines are
Yearning to be
Rhymed.
Your curves must
Be longing for
Some chimes.

Let me pull
Your hair,
Slightly,
Pat your rare.
Shift my gear to
Squeeze your
Rounded pair.

Holding back,
Is a mistake
So grave.
Your urges are
Mine to to care.
Sometimes up,
Sometimes down.
Let the battle of
Breaths sway.

We're gonna
Ride today, till
We can hardly bear.

A GB still left

Why won't a 
Shooting star 
Come down,
While I make 
A wish?
It's been long
Since I had
A fish.

The astrologer
Did blurt.
The Saturn does
Always hurt.
With one of his 
Moons, did I 
Ever flirt?

I don't recall.
Can be an 
Interesting quest.
 ...
She left, then,
The bike broke.
Even in the lame
Arguments,
I do choke.

Father,
Ain't proud.
Uncles always
Frown.
Mother too
Looks me down.

Guess that's all
There's to own.
...
The curd-sugar
Combo hasn't
Helped yet.
Limbu-mirch,
Visited a witch,
Taveez too
Had a glitch.

Life's such
A bitch.
..
Everything has
Been put to test,
God knows,
When he gives
My case a rest.
Let him take 
His time,
There's no haste.

A new day is
Here, for me
To waste.
Lots of work,
I'll do my best.
..
There's reading,
There's Writing,
Physics, Chem,
Creb's cycle and
Fucking Sin
Minus cos theta.
I'm Still left with
A GB of data.

Incognito is on
Jai Vaishno mata.
...


11 April 2021

Self Introduction

I'm a light
Hearted bloke.
Little drowsy.
Little woke.
Bit haughty,
Totally broke.

Too ugly for
That matter.
Insecurities
Are the only
Things I own.

Laugh at others
Is all I do..
Humour is the
Only emotion,
I understand.
Sarcasm is a
Routine attire.
My life is a
Tragic satire.

Through the ups
And downs,
Picking myself
Up very loosely,
I don't think, I've
Much to offer,
But, if you insist,

How about..
Another joke?

08 April 2021

Dreamer

Today,
The winds are
Pretentious.
Moon, bit more
Narcissistic.

Birds, chirping to
Seek attention.
Trees, clapping
Out of compulsion. 

Somewhere,
A mountain
Must have died.
A river might
Have dried.

A shooting
Star to go in
Vain...

A lover might
Have cried.
A dreamer must
Have woken up
With a sigh. 

I'm just a
Disappointed guy..
Sometimes a 
Mountain. 
Sometimes
The sky.

A dreamer by day.
A seeker by night. 

07 April 2021

War in Head

I sell mirrors
In a kingdom
Of blind.
Words of wisdom
To a crowd
Of deaf.
..
Finding order
In chaos is
One thing.

A knack for
Stoning the
Still waters is
The other.
..
Mundane choices,
Usual noises.
Between extremes.
Lost in the grey-

Hot iron's been
Cast in shape.
..
The sword 
That's cast has
Waged, heck of a
War in my head.

And the blood that's
Split has sung the
Same rhymes again.
.. 

15 March 2021

Ummeedein

Dil ki baat,
Dil mein nai rehti.
Mann ke pinjare 
Mein bandh rehti nahi.

Teri nazar ki
Bansuri chalti rahi,
Purane ghavon pe
Waar badta gaya.

Thi talash 
Ummeedon ki.
..
Bhook mithi nahi,
Pyaas bhuji nahi..

Jis Roshni ke 
Talash mein,
Hum tere gali mein
Phirse chale aaye the.

Waha shaam ho 
Chuki thi.

15 January 2021

Wounded Pen

Sometimes 
My blood gets 
Frozen,
Skin turns thick.
Mind goes blank,
Pain becomes 
Illiquid. 

Empty walls 
Stare,
Blank papers 
Mock.

Solitude turns 
Into a mirror.
My reflection, 
A failed 
Literature.

I keep stabbing
Myself to make 
My pen bleed.
Ink-trails are 
The only way out
It seems.

Wounds are 
Portals to
Freedom,
When the soul
Does freeze.

Quill is the key.
And the bird that
Flies away is,

A poem indeed.


11 January 2021

Phoenix

Each day, 
I make your 
Effigies. 
And
Burn them
By night.

From the 
Ashes,
You're born 
Again,
By dawn.
...
Phoenix is 
A bird that's 
Born out of 
Love.
And burnt
In loss.

About the 
Prison
It cycles in,
It doesn't 
Know at all.
...
I think
That's how
I'm losing 
Each day...

Hope in 
A prison,
Is not good 
After all.
..

10 January 2021

Poem is a Flight

Mind took me
Places.
Hovered on
Dreamy lands..

Thoughts took
A shape.
A Blue Bird
Was born.

It grew wings.
Was meant to
Fly high..
...
But my throat
Is a graveyard
Where words
Often die.

A standstill.

Fluttered wings.
Poked my mind.
And hit
Some walls.

A frustration
Set in. 

Each day an
Attempt was made.
But how do
You make..

A Dumb person
Talk?

A pen
With a paper
Was such a 
Plan!

And at the 
Behest of 
Ink trails,
Emancipation came.

Thoughts flew
Off my brains.

Peace is just
Another bird.
Poem is a flight.

05 January 2021

Vulnerable

I hum over 
The mundane.
Sing when happy.

Seek ink trails 
When sad.
Carry stars in
Pockets to
Swim through
The darkness.
..
Giggles in the
Funerals.
Not so uncommon
Dark humour.

Melancholia 
At will.
Long stare at
The ceiling fan.
You know..
Just incase...
..
Quite unusually,
The radio plays
An unfamiliar song.
Maybe Italian.
But who cares
Right?

Death has 
No color. 
..
The crowd and
Empty rooms,
Are the same.
Silence and
Noise, 
No difference.

The same strand
Of thought,
Which gave me
Clarity,
Has recocheted 
From the edges
Of my brain.
..
The fine line
Between black
And white is
Now lost in 
Grey.

And right now,
Even if you
Stab and say
"Trust me".

Maybe I will.
Right away.
..

22 December 2020

Topsy Turvy

Suddenly everything turns dark. Sounds fade away. You drift into a tunnel. A dungeon of unending narrow walls. Life seems to have suspended.

Storm of questions. Mismatched answers. For a moment a streak of light appears, then nothingness. A voice shrieks in head and suddenly throat clenching vaccum.

Then the ground from under your foot slips. What was in head gets a shape. The mindful experience turns physical. Tospy turvey, you just cascade down. Then a sudden jerk. A halt. 

A faint sound from somewhere hits your ears. You open your eyes. What a relief. You wish that was just a dream.

But was it? 

11 December 2020

No Nut

November ends 
Tomorrow.
And I haven't
Written a thing.

Such a losing
Streak.

Or is it my
Way of
No nut 
November?

Either way.
Not having an
Orgasm is
Frustrating. 

10 December 2020

Place to Belong

The storm
In me has
Gone athirst.

Battered,
Shattered and
Helplessly lost.
It takes me
Places.

Hills to broken
Hearts,
Oceans to
Empty minds..

Lonely rooms
To nostalgic past.
Rugged roads to
A future
That’s lost.

From pens to
Papers, then
Moon to a
Mistress.

Hasn’t found
A home.

With the thirst
Still intact.
A refuge is
All it wants.
But is there a
Place?

To tame its
Rage,
Brush its hair.
A hot water
Bath and
Stomachfull
Of broth.

A lullaby
At night to
Sleep without
A fight.

An easy dawn.
A lazy day,
And for a
Shady evening,
Full of play.

Is that much
To ask?
A place to
Bask all day
Long..

A place to
Belong.

06 December 2020

Monotony

With the roads 
And rhymes of
April and May..

Summer is
Gone.
...
Rooms and
Nights.
May and
Mights.

Through
June...
Monsoons
Bid goodbye.
...
With reds and 
Yellows gone..
Dust like
Thoughts brood..
On December now.

And I'm sure..
January will 
Stink the same.
..

20 November 2020

The Late Night Rush Hour

It was past midnight and like any other night; I sat reading in my house. Facing the wall, sitting on my sanduk with a clipboard on my lap, I sat there trying to ingest whatever it was written in the book I was holding. All around me there were my classmate and juniors in their deep sleep. The winter that was set in was demanding some warmth from within me and it was almost time by then- I was seventeen- to give away myself to the hormones that were agitating inside me.

It surely wasn’t the first time I was sensing the poke of my beak. I knew its sensitivity but I had never really paid it any attention. I knew this word hasta maithuna from the adult books I had read. Which is a Kannada word for masturbation. I knew what it meant and what will be the resultant. But I hadn’t really had given it any thought until now.

The clipboard that was on my thigh had acted on the sensitivity of my thing. When I became conscious about it I deliberately started pressing it against my beak. It felt good. I could feel it stiffen against the fiber of my underwear; sending slight tremors around my body. I did it often while I turned the pages of my book. It was a novel relieving feel.

Then I turned around my head to check if someone was awake. Everyone was fast asleep. Then I wanted to explore this fantastic pleasure. Surreptitiously I pulled it out from the side of the shorts I was wearing. For my surprise, it wasn’t dark as it usually did. It had a light complexion, the color of my palms to be precise. I could see faint bluish-green veins through the foreskin. Which suddenly reminded me of what biology teacher had said, “Erection is due to rush of blood to the spongy tissue penis contains”. Then, I held it in my hand, pressed it gently. Good heavens! It felt awesome.

Now things were in a flow. Just like that, I was sliding it back and forth which enlarged it further. The tiny little dark thumb-like projection had stood up in an obtuse angle. All fluffy, tight and handful. My whole body had its center of gravity shifted at my shank. Now and then watching around for random eyesights that might put me in an embarrassment, I played with my shaft; as it was assuring a kind of salvation at that moment.

After a while of playing with it, I felt it might throw up. It felt like a strong urge to urinate like urine is pushing from inside. Not that I was that naive. I had heard and studied about the semen that comes out. But had never seen it. For that time I suppose I had only urine in my mind.

Before I spilled it all around my place. I covered it partially by the seam of my short and walked to the toilet. I stood there shaking it in its full glory, occasionally watching how it behaved. Each stroke added some extra pleasure which pushed me to shake it more rigorously. The moment was intense, heated. I was going into a kind of trance. While there was a strong push from within and my eyes were squinting, I was like ahhhh! The ooze came out. It was whitish sputum like. After the throw-up, I was out of the trance that had engulfed me for a very brief time. I was back to the drab reality of standing in the toilet. Then it started to shrink in a relaxed manner.

When I was back, I was exhausted a little and sleepy. The thing that started that day remains an addiction till date on daily basis. Sometimes acts as a sleeping pill.

14 October 2020

War for Sleep

The loneliness
Has conspired,
With the dark 
Tonight.

Aloof,
My fluttering eyes
See myself reflected
In the ceiling.

Melancholia rhymes,
To the tones,
Of a long lost,
Past.

Questions,
Unrelated answers.
Made up scenarios.
Top class illusions.

Insecurity plays
Video games.
Anxiety,
A street dancer.

Nights like these,
Are tough. 
Rough.
Total fuck-ups.

I wage a 
Full fledged war
On myself to
Slip into sleep.

01 October 2020

Imagery

Beyond the
Boundaries
Of flesh and 
Bones. 
Of your walk
And talk.
The radiant
Smile and
The playful
Taunts.

I've a imagery 
Of you.
..
Carved out of
Metaphors.
Cryptic
Paragraphs.
With carefully,
Chosen words;

There's a 
Dreamy 
Painting of you. 
..
A rhyming nose.
Rhythmic eyes.
Superlative
Cheeks and
A chin that 
Just fits fine.

A face full of
Melodies.
..
Van Gogh's
Starry night.
Rahman's 
'Tum Ho' laden,
A blend of 
Bukowski's
Wine.

Northern lights
To swirling
Westerlies;
An eternity 
Dances down
Your curves.
..
And
Through the
Lanes of 
My mind.
When you
Transcend
Down to
Thoughts.
You grow wings
To take form
Of an angel.

What's left
There after;
Is just your
Radiance and
My insignificance.
..

A Warm Goodbye

We're not on 
Good terms.
I know.
The longing
Is gone.
Glittery fantasies
Are worn off.

There's just
Indifference.
Haughty sarcastic
Taunts and
Lot of blame.

The castle
We had built,
Is grounded.
And
Brick by brick.
We have 
Managed to
Find a place
In its ruins. 

But can I ask
You something?
Beg for a 
Favour?

Can we love
Properly for
Another week?
Can we relive
Some moments,
Again?...
Just for the 
Sake of it.

Let's giggle
And cry.
Take the 
Mountains to
Breath and sigh. 

Allow me to
Smell you.
Play with your
Hair and
Just for a night,
Let's become
Vulnerable and
Drown in each 
Other. 

Take me to
Your favourite
Temple.
I'll believe in
God for a day
And pray.

Let the fresh
Smell of coffee
Pass past our
Senses.
And an elated 
State make us
Compulsive.

Darling...

Let's not fade
Away like
Strangers.
Let the parting
Not stink with
Apathy.

Let's undo
This properly.

On a weekend,
Let's sit around.
Layer by layer.
Let's wear this off.
When we've
Enough memories
To fuel 
A campfire.

Rather than
Letting our
Bare souls,
Forget each other
Out of cold
Indifference.

My love..
Let's hate.
Let's fight.
Let's get dirty..
And kiss a
Good bye..
On a
Warm note.

13 September 2020

A wait. A hope.

Waiting for you.
It's been so long.
That,
All the perception
Is gone and
Torn bits of what
You felt like 
Remains.

I try to recall
Your name but
I can't. And
Each time I fail,
I come up with
New ones. 

Sometimes,
Starts with D
And ends with I.
Or it lingers 
Between S and A.
I don't know. 
Doesn't matter
Matter I guess.

Like,
A lazy evening.
A mellow sunrise.
A fading melody,
A fleeting cloud.
I remember you,
Like I've forgotten
You forever.

I feel you like,
A steady peck
On my neck. 
Slow brush on
My hair.
A comforting
Caress and
Maybe lots of
Hugs.

And sometimes,
It feels like
You aren't really 
Gone.
Lurking secretly,
You're there always.
But I pass that
Thought.

There's a pleasure
In giving you 
Names.
Wrapping you in
Metaphors.
Slice you, bite you,
And totally savour
Every side of you.

It's like the 
Transience has
Faded and you've
Become an 
Immortal idea.
A fantasy.
A memory.
A worthy wait.

11 September 2020

Reflective Guilt

Stood in front
Of a mirror.
Didn't like 
What I saw.

Put on a smile.
Screamed, 
And cried.

Wore colours,
And a new hat.

Blood throbbed
The same.
Moments passed
In vain.

Mundane is
My thing.
Pretnse stuck
Like side wings.

To start over.
I used an eraser
To rub off my 
Story written in pen.

Mistakes undone.
Mirrors stare,
For the story
That's gone.

For the papers
I have torn.

10 September 2020

Still Moments

The day has faded into the dusk. Bit of drizzle has absolved the sweaty-sticky disgust of the summer. 

The rubble in the backyard is moist and half burnt. The vent off smoke has scented the freshness around. Smells like childhood.

The crickets chirp. Through the haze, birds flutter. A half-read story from the past crosses my mind. I just smile and let it go.

Life's still. Nothing to look out for or to be bothered about. I just sit. Observe. Smell and feel the evening. Life in slow motion.

Something strikes me. An overrated couplet of Rumi. I can't help but relate to it. Maybe this is what he meant when he said about that place beyond right and wrong.

Then I hold on. Pass that thought and come back to blankness. To feel. To smell and to just breath away the moments. 

09 September 2020

RomCom

Good looking girl,
With a sad face.
Can hook you
To a song.

Her dirty mind,
And sharp eyes.
Can butcher 
Your heart.

Sleep free,
Euphoric nights.
Long lost
Obvious days.

You'll be infected
With that smile.
Life'll seem to be
Defined in her arms.

Muse with 
Dim-lights.
Rom-coms and
Movie nights.

Cuddles, 
Hangovers,
Long drives and
Lazy walks.

Oops. Reality 
Off the track,
Again.
Lemme end this.

Story. Too ideal 
For life.

08 September 2020

Emptiness

A word sown 
Has failed to
Grow into a 
Sentence.

A poem,
Full of bloom,
Been grounded
By despair.

Clear skies are
Pain.
Nimbus laden,
A bland hope.

For a craving 
To go athirst-

The water
You served,
Has re-enforced
This emptiness.

06 September 2020

Hurt

Poems written
In the night.
Are dead by dawn.

And the ride on
Unicorn is a
Myth again.

For a moment
She was there..
Then gone.

Itching flashbacks.
Her traces 
Everywhere.

Reality and utopia
Intertwined.
Hope and despair-

All hurt the same.

 

22 August 2020

I'm the Bitch

One day..
I'll be lonely enough.
All my insecurities
Will rush.
The summer heat
Will eat my sleep.
And my thoughts
Will screech helplessly.

Maybe then 
I'll remember you.
To be saved,
Probably, I'll call you.

But then, I realize
You'd be far away.
The way I'd pushed,
You're long gone. 

I'll try to swallow,
Everything again.
Karma isn't a bitch,
But you know who is.

I know who is.

21 August 2020

Killed Poetry. Poet died.

Last night. 
Maybe be before that. 
My poetry died. 
Or did I kill her? 
I don't know. 
I don't care much now.

She choked on me 
Or I gagged her. 
What can I say?
I couldn't stand her. 
She couldn't stand me. 

Asphyxiation I guess.

Thoughts in head 
Found no words. 
Emotions didn't flow 
Blood turned thick. 
Skin, too smothering
And lapse of purpose.

A good kind of 
Claustrophobia? 
Possible. Yeah.

Died or killed? 
Doesn't matter. 
She's just not there.
Turned to dust,
Ashes or memories?
Who knows.

Then the poet?
You may ask.

I guess..just.. 
Flesh and bones.
He shouldn't matter. 

09 July 2020

Romance

As the wintry night 
Sets in and the 
Cold seeps in,
To Invade our warmth.

We'll get naked and 
Wear each other,
My love.

Under the refuge
Of love and
Longing of lust.

Let's explore
The universe that
Glows between the
Friction of our skin.

Moving on

The song on loop
Can't hurt me.
A stale thought,
Doesn't dare to
Become a poem.

Evenings affect
Me no more, nor
The long nights
That brooded
Over my sleep.

Ain't no taker of
Melancholia.
Pain is just a 
Perception.
Feelings, a pinch
Of euphoria.

Stark reality has
Take over me.
Looks like, 
Everything fits in 
A bracket now.
Black and white.
Right and wrong. 

And to hell with
What's in-between. 

The Forgotten

On a lonely road
Of bland hopes.
I have taken a job
Of painting the
Forgotten memories.

Well, what can I say.
Hardly, there are
Bright colours.
No dark strokes or
Embellished illustrations.

Shades, Shadows.
Pale colors.
Broken moons.
Fading shines.
And some
Dying stars and
Helpless storms.

Some appreciate
The painting.
Some just make
A smirky face.
Some look for
My comments,

And all I can say is-
I’m a forgotten too.
Remember me.

21 June 2020

Purposeless

Scars don't itch.
No fresh wounds 
To lookout for.

Looks like I've 
Forgotten it all.

I'm all healed and
Life's never been
This purposeless. 

16 May 2020

I would rather be a Sad Song

When you left me. After that evening. I've wasted myself on god knows how many sad songs. And the unceremonious goodbye butchered days that came after.

It's funny how the dusk I loved was eaten away by the dark. And there wasn't a single reason left to conjure some light. Cool breeze doesn't matter. Rain is a stab wound now.

I deleted the old playlist you know. The Linkin Park, Breaking Benjamin, and Radiohead are all gone. Even I've started writing inspirations poems. No fun there though.  

But yeah, this war I've waged on myself is gonna end soon. All these wounds will heal and I'll endure all this pain to rejuvenate my rage.

A new Radiohead album is around the corner soon and will pen down a poem that flies off my mind. 

Till then, this is me. With a mask and a pretentious playlist.

Thank you tea

It's lockdown and you're home. No worries. No hurry. Everything is just slow and lazy. Life's so cozy that the worst thing that can happen to you is a bad cup of tea.

You just have a tight lunch. You give your life to the couch. There's sweat and heat, just like the shade of sadness in your life. Yet a happy nap conquers the world for you.

Then it rains in the evening. Your drowsy senses are elated and looks like there's nothing more to ask from life. And then your mom brings you a cup of tea.

You take a sip and it's just perfect. You breath out few moments like time's your slave. Then you silently thank Chinese for finding tea. Maybe for Corona too. 

11 May 2020

Claustrophobia

An year has passed
Without the rains.
And to these stray
Thoughts of mine-

I Haven't been able to 
Find any words.

Voicelessly smothered,
I feel entrapped.
Dr. Freud, is this 
Claustrophobia? 

10 May 2020

Pain

Sometimes,
Wanna hurt myself.

Feel the pain,
For the sake of it.

It's like,
Too much of light.

And all you want is
Some gloom 
For a hide out. 

09 May 2020

Ignoring

The text I've sent her
Has been marked blue.
It's been quite a while,
I don't think she has 
Gone to the loo...

The Emojis in the chats
Have been fading too.
Clearly she's ignoring.
I don't know what to do. 

You must be a fool to think
She's busy these days.
Bro! It's all about priorities.
Says my friend Poo.

I keep wondering,
About the shit like
To be or not be. And if
Thats how fate wants to woe,
I'll accept that too.

Again!

A mundane thought
Has stretched itself
Into a poem.

A part of me has
Grown wings and
Has set itself aflight.

To settle myself
With a sad song.
The clock has reset.

And 
She's all over.
Again! 

05 April 2020

Shadows

I feel exposed
In the light.
Threatened by
The dark.

So I lurk in
The shade,
Cast by the
Moonlight. 

Rhythmic Lust

Wrap me in 
Your legs,
Clasp me in 
Your thighs.

Layer by layer 
Conquer me and
Cut me loose 
In your wildness.

Overpower me
With your
Rhythmic lust.
And make me feel-

Insignificant. 

04 April 2020

Hopelessness

I'm blinded
By the light,
That's no boon. 

And 
The darkness
I was seeking,

Has been 
Plundered
By the moon.

Our Insignificance

The stars burst.
Oceans dry.

Mighty demons
Can die and 
Even the gods are
Forgotten.

Oblivious is time.

And here we're
With the pomp
Of our significance. 

Lonely Together

What will 
We do?

When,
Out of words,
Out of signs.

When,
Silence pokes
Around and
Awkwardness
Hang upon?

What will we do,
When,
Lonely together.
Bored and bald. 

Transient Love

Her face,
Melts away,
Like she was
A dream from
Last night.

Can love only
Be something
That's permanent
And long?

The transience
Isn't supposed
To hold enough 
Of heart?

Fighting Oneself

I've stopped
Fighting others.

It's fun to 
Crawl down
My throat and
Poke the intestine.

Just last night,
I had a fight
With my shadow. 

How does it matter
If the other won?

I didn't lose,
And I feel better
Even more.

Tell Me

Tell me,

Do you still
Feed on-

Slashed hearts,
Chopped smiles
And worn out
Lives?

Tell me,

I've all those.
My love,
I am all those. 

Horizon

Waiting,
I've smoked time,
Like, it's a 
Petty cigarette. 

As all I
Wanted was 
A ride back
Home with you.

But now,
It looks like,
The home is
Overrated.

I'm addicted
To the idea that
You're that 
Boundless horizon
In the west.

Lonely Moon

The Moon is 
Lonely too.
He confessed,
The other night.

Earth has 
Engaged the sun.
The stars are 
Far away and-

The girls who
Fantasized him 
Are taken away
By the boys. 

Rage of Your Eyes

In the clasp of
Your hands,
I've seen your
Dripping love,
That goes down
Like freshly
Scored weed.

The enigmatic
Smile, your
Passionate blush.
Man! you're,
Such a rush.

But, God!
That rage!
That rage locked
In your eyes-

My ground
Breaks,
Veins bulge.
The dread
It spreads,
Cries havoc.

I'm sure,
One day, it can-

Obliterate moons.
Subsume stars,
Eat away light
And feed
This universe,
A bondage of
Dark.

31 March 2020

Burn

Let's burn the
Music.
Let's burn the
Songs.

If that's what
It takes to love.

Let's burn 
Each other and
Set the world
On fire. 

Sarcastic World

They said,
The world is beautiful.

So I removed 
My goggles.

The roses were
Red.
The violets were
Blue.

And the rest was
Sarcastic too.


27 March 2020

Stranger

When the night
Was set and 
The cold seeped in.

The lonely me
Fluttered eyes and 
The ceiling held me.

A stranger 
Talked to me.
He was like me.

He was me. 

Dream

Everyday,
I Dream about you.
And after
Every dream,
I feel closer to you.

And how I wish,
How I wish...

The day 
I feel closest,
Be a wide awake
Reality. 

26 March 2020

Awe

I was so hooked to
The mundane,
The mediocre and
The obvious. That..

Anything just above 
Ordinary would have
Held me in surprise.

And you were a 
Rain laden cloud
Around my dry land.

An yearning had to 
Come up. Poetry
Had to take birth.

And it did. 

It Shouldn't

Today the sun has
Come up in the west.
Someone has 
Intoxicated the air 
And the peeps are
High on weed and
On top of the world.

Here, 
I roll on my couch,
Complaining about
The heat, choking
On mediocre poetry and 
Hating myself more.

Tomorrow all the same,
He'll set in the west.
Peeps dry and dumb
And world yellow again.

Same couch,
Same poems and with 
Same kind of hate,
I conduct myself here.

The peeps, the world 
Mean nothing to me.

In fact. It shouldn't.

25 March 2020

Tonight

Turn off the lights.
Let's duel with 
Our breaths tonight.
I wanna break all
Boundaries and
Let my vulnerability,
Choke between your
Thighs tonight.

My tongue has 
Spoken enough and 
My fingers have 
Written enough.
Let me taste you.
The touch of your skin,
Let it cleanse my 
Soul tonight.

I want our lips to
Vent fire and
Incinerate all my
Insecurities.
In your curves and 
Crevices I want 
To be consumed
And be broke tonight.

Tonight my love,
I'm not afraid of
These wounds or
The glow of my scars.
However teary,
However bloody,
I'll just surrender.
I wanna be lost in,
Your bosom tonight.

Elections

Lefts blamed the right,
Rights blamed the rest.
Those in the middle
Were no different.

Fake promises were 
Made.
Rich dreams were 
Shown.

The hungry toiled
In the fields and
Women waited for
Permission to breath.

The Bigots' 
Spread hate and 
The woke remained
Indifferent.

Some demanded 
Crores, but
Most were bought
With hundreds.

While centuries long
Movement of suffrage,
Died like it was
Really a bad joke.

Between the votes
Those were cast and
Castes that were voted.
The Game of Democracy 
Was successfully lost.

24 March 2020

Childhood

When laughing was 
Actually laughing
And weeping was
Really weeping. 

Remember the days when
Everything was simple?

Hate was just a day 
Of not talking and 
Friendship,
A toffee away.

Unmasked smiles,
Un-adulterated tears.

The moon wasn't just
A celestial rock and
Granny had taken refuge 
In the brightest star.

Will Remember You

On a summer night,
When my lonesome heart
Will be filled and heavy.

And when there will be 
Too many stray thoughts 
To just ignore and bury.

I'll remember you...
I will remember you..
Like the early monsoon rain.

Departure

We shouldn't have 
Left each olike this.

Your bare smile
Could have been
Bit more wild and 
Our parting eyes
Bit more lit.

I wish the journey
Was not this short.
And the story that 
Was brewing, 
A bit more long.

There were things
Yet to be found.
Roads to be taken,
And few verses 
Penned down together.

But departures are 
Supposed to be 
Like this I guess.

A poker face,
Smirk in the eyes,
An adrift yearning,
And a disguised
Indifference.

Despair

For about a moment,
It felt like someone
Gave us those
Two little feathery things.
One to the left and 
One, to the right.

I was happy and 
You were too, I guess.

Then we dreamt of
Nothing less than the skies.
The long nights,
Stars in the day and
Moony conversations.

It was like we travelled 
Beyond fate and 
Challenged the obvious.

And all of a sudden,
Looked like, it was over.
A subtle force made us
Forget how to flap.

First the hope and
Then a disability.
What a despair.

08 March 2020

She, Me and My Will

Sometimes, I'm 
As light as a feather 
And all I wish is, 
The wind from east 
To just blow me away.

Also, there are 
Other times-
Days too long
To pass by.
The moon too lazy 
To come up. 

And I'm all assed up
Like a big rock.
Just to put myself
To test, against-
The mighty forces. 

Then there's she,
To keep my feathery
Heart grounded.
And the resolute 
Mind afloat.

29 February 2020

Dreaming

Till,

A poem from 
Distant lands,
A story from
Inner depths and 
A melody from 
I don't know where-

Finds me..

I've to 
Keep breathing. 
Keep living. 

06 January 2020

Disguise

She thinks I'm a 
Thick skinned perv.
Two inch thick fat 
Under my dermis with 
An inch of apathy.

But I'm sensitive,
You know.

A tiny needle can 
Easily puncture me.
Few sharp words 
Can tear apart.

And all the same,
A sign from her
Can melt me down.

But you see,
A warm disguise 
Is good sometimes.

Needles, words 
And smiles
Can be really cold.

22 December 2019

Shadows

The light has conspired 
With the darkness.
The day has been hijacked,
Nignt, been enchained.

The shadows of betrayal
Around. 
What's dream, what's a
Reality. I don't know.

It's like all the hate is gone.
All the love ripped apart.
And all I think I know is the 
Meaning the word apathy.

21 December 2019

Ma Mind

My mind ponders 
Over things.
Climbs mountains,
Dives into the seas.

Grows wings sometimes, 
And then, knowingly
Falls right into traps,
To strangulate itself.

Finds quantum theories 
On empty walls. 
Also, slaps a void 
Onto purpose of my life.

Shows dreams, 
Builds castles and then
 Shatters them down,
Just to show that

I've a life. 

08 December 2019

Momentary Refuge


The night welcomes me
With empty songs.

Laden with stooping thoughts,
Caught off guard,
I just gaze at the not so
Colorful past and a
Not so promising future.

Looks like breathing is
My only purpose.
I want to believe it.
Right now, only that 
seems to make sense.

And that's how I've taken 
A refuge in this moment.

07 December 2019

Her Approval

A story I was 
Brewing for you,
Is hot and ready.

I suppose it's not
Overcooked or spicy.
And the salt is right.

And I hope you like it, 
With closed eyes and
A pretentious sigh.

Do it, even if you
Don't like the taste.
I'd love the expression.

And how about a
Poem as dessert? 
Or rather some
Witty sarcasm?

25 November 2019

Wishful Dream

I wish,
The day 
Were my bed,
Night, 
A blanket.

Life, 
A blissful sleep.
And you,
A wishful dream. 

24 November 2019

Unread Poem

Adrift thoughts 
Were surrounded.
Beat, bullied, tied up. 
Locked them up in words.

With an ink-thirst spear,
Imprisoned on a sheet.

They,
Sougth some attention.
Over and again. Distraught,
Cried for little help.

And finally, when a lover's
Eyes caught them.
Had them linger on lips.
Redeemed they were.

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