You're the winters.
I'm the monsoons.
But I know,
For both, the thirst of the
Summer within is same.
Why not quench
Each other?
You get drenched,
I can use some cool.
Global warming is a thing.
And only together,
We can make it through.
You're the winters.
I'm the monsoons.
But I know,
For both, the thirst of the
Summer within is same.
Why not quench
Each other?
You get drenched,
I can use some cool.
Global warming is a thing.
And only together,
We can make it through.
Reading our chats,
I've been lying idle.
And smiling like a fool.
I wonder about love.
About life.
And imagine your
Cute cryptic smile.
I know we agreed
To depart. But
Are you really gone?
Won't you ever ring the
Notification bell and
Peep on my screen?
Saying "There? I'm waiting."
Our story is being
Eaten away by oblivion.
Doesn't it ache?
And now, don't say,
It's destiny. 🙄
A nightmare woke up Jay. It was so intense that he had a restless feeling in his chest for the rest of the day. He was not able to remember any details except, a faint whisper, "Have you ever tasted blood?" The sound of it made his veins quiver. And that feeling remained with him for a while.
Jay is a guy who has hardly seen blood. He knows it's red because of RBCs and all. But he has never been in real life situation which involved blood. He had heard tales from his friends about how some people faint by the sight of it. He even remembers his grandpa's hilarious tale of Bhimshi. That, once Bhimshi seeking revenge, put a sickle to Ramappa's neck. And by the sight of the overflow of blood, fainted on the site. Though Ramappa died, Bhimshi was caught in a terrible state.
The trivial memories like this kept haunting Jay now and then. Deep inside even he had a gut feeling that, by the sight of anything like that, he would faint readily. But seldom expectations and experience go hand in hand.
That evening, the usual quarrel between his father and mother took a different tone. By the tone of his father, Jay got agitated and put himself into the argument defending his mother. His drunken father, who had a glass in hand, turned so furious by the intrusion of Jay that, he broke the glass with the hand. Blood started to ooze out of hand and his helpless mother quickly got up to stop the bleeding. There was too much of blood and his mother couldn't stand it. Jay, though hesitant, had to go and hold his father's hand to stop bleeding. Meanwhile his uncle too rushed in the kitchen hearing the noise.
By the time his uncle came along, Jay's hands were all bloody. Readily, they rushed to the hospital which was five minutes away. While treatment was going on, Jay came out to wash his hands. Twitching the viscous red, he was thinking why didn't he faint by the sight of it. Suspended in his thoughts, he took a good look at his hands. It was more than just a look. He felt that blood. And before he could realize, his bloody forefinger reached his tongue. Suddenly a feel of disgust hit him and he repeatedly washed his hands. Whatever it was going inside him was overwhelming and beyond his understanding.
Mind boggled, he sat on the bench, waiting for his uncle and pretentious father. After a while when they came out, he accompanied them. After reaching home, he didn't feel like having dinner. He went upstairs to sleep. While he spread the bedsheets, he saw a broken piece of mirror in the corner. Though it wasn't supposed to be, he had an unusual spike of emotions for it. He reached for it and grabbed it with the right hand. It was handful. He held it tight and looked at it. Stared at his own reflection like he's meeting a stranger. Looking in the eye of his reflection, he said, "Ashy metallic taste".
Up on this peak,
Mountains are asleep.
And the sky is
Wide awake. So am I.
The moonlight is
Melting me down.
Streams of memories,
Your face among the stars.
I miss you.
I wish you were here.
To fill my light-years
Deep longing.
Stranded in
Our own thoughts.
We always end up
In ourselves.
The places we go,
The people we meet,
In search of a refuge,
The feelings we breed-
Are just excuses.
Means to an escape.
Let your lonely self,
Speak to the lone you.
Solitary days ahead.
Get used to it.
I wish, I could
Walk down the
Aisle of your mind,
And hug the
Little bunny
You've Been hiding.
Just to reassure her,
That everything is alright
And say, 'we'll make it'
No matter what.
I wish it could have
Been easier. Like-
Buy her an ice cream.
Make her comfortable.
Then pat on her back
And make her sleep on
My shoulder.
Just to give her
Some warmth she needs.
To make it through
The cold and lonely.
Even if it is for only
One night.
It's scorching.
I'm done with Sun.
I'm frozen.
There's emptiness around.
I but pray for some rain.
Crave for some love.
To find myself stroll
On a drenched road.
Maybe to laugh on myself
And kick a stone.
Let the moon sigh
And wink at me,
Let the safe crowd
Under roof smirk.
I don't care.
Just wish to walk
And walk and walk,
Kicking, singing, jumping,
Dancing and screaming-
'Let there be rain'.
'Let there be life'.
Somethings,
Remain incomplete.
Some don't
Have answers.
For some, answers
Can't be found.
Some are answered
By wrong person.
Some right-answers,
Come in a wrong time.
Some just remain
With a question mark.
Most of the time,
They're meant to be
Incomplete maybe.
And they're beautiful
Incomplete. The,
Stunning mysteries,
They behold us.
I'm an
Indebted poet.
And you're my
Greatest lender.
Right?
For the words I've
Borrowed and the
Metaphoric loans
You've availed-
The stories I make
And the poems I write.
Are just the
Interest payments.
It's not sweet, salty.
Sour or bitter.
It isn't even tasteless.
Thing is,
It's simply not there.
A pure indifference.
Consuming the light,
Like the big-black-void
Of outer space-
Of all love and hate
In the world,
Apathy hurts the most.
Why are you silent?
You’re fed up talking?
Or you think
I’m tired of
Listening to you?
Am I not a
Worthy audience?
Or you’ve been
Underestimating yourself?
Can you not carve out
A dagger-like-smile
To slash away,
This Awkwardness?
Between sullen faces
And dodgy eyes..
Angry disguise and
Pretentious smiles..
You know what’s sexy?
A conversation.
Like an incantation
Gone wrong.
I suppose you're
An accident.
Or;
Was god high
On weed; when
He made you?
I wonder,
How a flawless beauty,
Such a you.. can be
Carved by someone,
In his conscious self?
I don't know.
I'm just a mortal.
Limited by my own
Senses, instincts and
Imagination.
You just question
My sanity.
I'm not so easy.
Not so difficult.
Not much skeptical.
Not too careless.
Bit balanced.
Bit not.
I'm somewhere
In the middle-
Little fucked up
And a little not.
The memories of
Those late night talks,
The rain did sweep.
And the unconditional
Sweet-little-warmth,
The winter did freeze.
There's a cold calm,
A stab of apathy and a
Kind of murky-charm left.
Like a scenery contained
By the withered leaves,
This feeling too is-
Beautiful. Colourful.
I've locked you
In a metaphor and
Have hidden it in
An old diary.
If you're ever lost,
Come, find it.
See what it felt like
To be yourself.
Some one has
Rained down;
On my unsung lands.
And has
Written a song.
Tuned my guitar
And has poked
Some chords.
Like the smell of
Thirsty soil after
A drizzle-
This feel has
A life. Melodious.
No more empty.
Let it rain,
In the barren lonely lands,
Of the aloof;
In the darkness laden
Corners of minds of
The ones smothered in
The dust of dismay.
Let it rain.
Breaking the walls of
Empty thoughts and
Suspended emotions-
Let it rain.
To clear the haze
Of melancholy,
That has stalled lives.
Let it rain.
In the hearts that might
Bear fruits and
Spread wisdom.
Let it rain,
To prevent a bitter,
Cold cacti invasion.
Oh mighty rain!
Pour down.
Pour down,
Ebb away this monster,
Feeding on emotions.
Pour down to blossom
The souls shrivelled.
Pour down to usure hope.
Pour down to assure life.
Pour down to spread love.
And pour down to spread beauty.
Even after reaching
My destiny,
This journey seems
Incomplete.
Missing home like
Never before.
If life's a really long
Round trip back home.
I wonder where
I am headed.
If dreams are as
Costly as a home.
They be worth it.
But this job?
I don't know.
After you made me
Sleep, I woke up
In a dreamy fantasy.
Enchanting smile
Spread on the tan
Of your face.
Scintillation of
Your eyes, cutting
The gloomy shades.
Like a craze that
Questions my sanity.
Draped in the reds-
You were,
A walking elegance.
Flawless. Infinite.
Thoughts are
Running wild
To fall into words.
And I'm tired of
Becoming just
Another verse again.
I want someone
To come, to
Usher some rains.
Not to write,
But to sing.
I want to dance.
I'm tired of
The unsung.
Here we sit across this
Unwavering silence.
And there's a lot of
Noise inside me.
Do you feel the same?
Only if you can really listen.
I can pour my oceans to you.
Can you lend your ears
And be my infinity again?
I am from
A place with-
The longitudes
Of heart and
Latitudes of mind.
I'm from
Within myself.
Where are
You from?
What if you
Fall in love with
The prison
You escape?
Will it..
Still be;
The freedom
You longed?
But, again-
Isn't love a
Prison too?
I suppose,
Blaming others is a really
Funny evolutionary adaptation.
When we emotionally fail
We say heart is shit. Should
Have listened to my mind.
When we logically fail we say,
Should have followed heart.
I mean wtf is this?
Both are fucking part
Of the same freaking mind.
Maybe blame is a evolutionary
Mechanism to move on with life.
The smile hidden
In my mind faces
No hassle to make
It onto my lips.
Breaking the ice,
My words dance
On my fingertips
With utmost ease.
I don't know if
It is the weather but
Today, I feel as light
As a humble feather.
What a disposition.
To have glistened
Daily in your
Elegant shades.
Like a canvas,
I wish I were
The evening sky.
Woven in the blues
Dim, dusky and
Yet, pleasant.
Lift that veil
From your eyes and
Ebb away that gloomy
Shade from your face.
Look up, the
Heavens are hung,
The Life around
Has dried up.
Why don't you
Carve a little grin
On your gentle lips
To light it up around.
Please,
Can you break
Your silence and
Fill this vacuum.
Let there be a moment.
You be like that.
Undefined.
Unspoken.
Indiscernible.
Riding my
Utopia.
Feast for
My thoughts.
To be special,
You don't have
To unravel
Yourself.
Just be there
To Inspire.
Like a stunning
Mystery.
Your pics
Without filter.
Un-combed
Messy hair.
Face with a
Shade of anger,
And the eyes
With lots of kajal.
No wonder I
Started believing,
In the Ghosts.
While waiting alone
At a lonely bend and
The time was passing by
Having no ears to lend.
On the long nights; to
Keep your demons at bay.
And some empty
Thoughts away.
Sticking around the neck;
To shield you from toxic men,
The earphones that stood
For you, like a hazmat suits-
Are also called buds for
A reason my friend.
A poem has set
It's pace in me.
Finding a way out,
It's poking around.
It has sneaked in
Every corner.
And soaked in the
Biases I've breathed,
And the opinions
I've consumed,
It has made my
Blood thick.
Veins about to burst.
It's throbbing.
And before it's spilt,
And it's a mess.
Give me my pen.
Let me speak.
Who wants to
Work after Sunday?
Dear, Monday; are you
Not tired of yourself?
Agreed,
Pope was your father.
Childhood was a trauma.
Doesn't mean-
You've to be
'A kick on the nut' face?
And clapper to the
'Let's run this race.'
If only, you
Hadn't made my
Morning tea sour and
Yourself a weekly bore.
I would have Befriended
You. Dear, Mr. Monday.
Remember the days?
When life was life.
Fun was fun, And
Fights didn't go to head.
When I was I, You were
You. We were us.
Lots of food; music.
And time was smoke.
Life was easy,
Everything was simple.
Fog in the winters.
Rains in the rainy season.
I don't know,
When did we become
Global warming and
Lost our summer.
I'm bored and
Time is slow.
Inside; lots of noise,
My mind might blow.
My what's app is
As lonely as me.
Cliche; even movies,
I don't want to see.
Present playlist is
A sheer monotony.
To go on a trip,
Monies, I don't have any.
So..
I'd to give away myself
To the incognito tab,
Only to meet my
Sweet guilt again.
God! every freaking day,
Is the same. Like a loop.
On the darkening blue,
An orange inlay.
The sun's setting
Birds on their way.
Dharwad; No difference.
Smells all the same.
The Mirchi-girmit invokes,
The good old days.
The taunts we made
And laughs we had.
Ran and Roamed around,
Worthy of some pretty scars.
Without any signs,
There was a last day.
Blink of an eye;
Careers, Responsibilities-
Life's now a long drag.
It's easy to
Break out of a prison
That contains us.
What can be done
When we ourselves,
Contain a prison inside?
Or worse.
What if we ourselves
Are a prison!
Disguised as men?
I mean, what better way
To captivate someone?
Than to-
Blow some life into a
Ribcage, give hope and
Convince them that
That they're born free.
And like the cogs of a
Ceaseless wheel,
A workforce is ready.
Only sleep
Can be a real
Homely refuge.
Without it,
You don't
Really belong-
To a day.
Neither,
To a night.
Not even to
Your home or
To yourself.
And maybe
That is why,
I suppose-
Nobody is as
Orphaned as,
The insomniacs.
Death is
The final nail;
In the coffin.
Oblivion is
The Rust;
That follows.
One to end.
One to efface.
Only time is
Immortal.
Rest all are
Its victims.
You're an
Abrupt surge
In this perpetual
Calmness.
A sudden
Suction of
My serene
Solitude.
In an unwavering
Contempt of life,
You're my dear,
A kick on my gut.
Can't breathe in.
Can't breathe out.
You take my
Breath away.
How many times
Have I not said to myself
'It doesn't matter'.
And I've brushed away
Your memories?
The songs I've skipped .
The pics I've deleted.
To restrain myself from
Not looking at that turn
We had met.
How many times have I not
Died a thousand times?
Taking shortcuts.
Searching new routes.
And I don't know
How many times
Should I have to squeeze
My beat-box, let it lay out
To dry; before I let you go?
To vent a careless sigh
To tell myself, it's over.
I don't know what's
A thing, most hopeless.
But I think, convincing
Yourself a lie when you,
Already know the truth,
Is one of them and
I'm caught up in it.
Somewhere. Somehow.
There's a story that
Wants to be found.
A poem that wants
To fall suitably,
Into your words.
A painting,
That's awaiting to
Fit into your shades.
And no matter,
How stupid; how boring.
In all your subtleties-
You; in yourself are
A piece of work.
Yet, unveiled, unfolded.
Is this the warmth
After freezing cold or
The calm after
The scorching heat?
It's serene.
It's the rains.
An escaped grace
From among the
Curses of the
Wrecked sailors
And the prayers of
The poor farmers.
Monday is
Melancholy.
Tuesday,
A total trash.
Wednesday, oops!
Tomorrow's Thursday.
Thursday,
What the fuck is this.
Friday is...
Oh yeah!
Saturday...
Hurray!!!
And there's Sunday,
It's Rewind time.
I've become
A prisoner of
Your unsaid words.
Before you choke me
In the gallows of
Your of apathy.
Grant me;
My last wish.
Speak to me.
Quench this
Craving and
Absolve me.
Sometimes,
Time is not enough,
To heal the wounds.
You need to
Shed masks or
Wear new ones-
To move on.
Between the
Unsaid words and
The un-spilled colors.
With our ego.
We carved our ways,
Out of a blank paper.
Guess,
Of all the paintings,
We could have been-
We were destined,
Only till the
Blinding white.
Right now,
I could be; anyone.
Anywhere.
The good. The bad.
Something better,
Or maybe worse.
But I'm here.
At this moment;
I'm just me.
And it has taken,
A lifetime;
To be here. To be me.
Mind's on the
Wrecked past.
Eyes; cast away.
A bleak future.
Sitting with
A cup of tea.
And,
Sip by sip;
Breathing away,
This moment.
Sometimes,
I wonder;
If you're the colors
Themselves....Or,
A painter,
Who has painted
This perspective
Of mine.
.....
Clouds, the rains,
Winds and
Some shades-
Inexplicable euphoria.
While I ride the
Wheels of time.
Life's passing by
Like the wind;
Sometimes slow,
Sometimes fast.
Up and down.
Hot and cold.
Is there a destiny?
I don't think so.
We three are,
Just passing by.
Aren't we little
Blinded by
Our emotions...
Bit..
Crippled by
Rationality....
And overall,
Totally...
Fucked up?
Mind and Heart-
Halves of same den,
Light years apart.
Late in the night;
You come to taunt,
My healing wounds.
Making these scars glow,
You haunt me like
An unexpressed grief.
Powerful; Raging.
A wanna be contained,
Tired storm.
Right. Wrong.
Good. Bad.
To be. Not to be.
Decisions. Confusions.
A daily tussle
With thoughts.
Mind is a
Battlefield; and
I'm a war prisoner.
I'm a wounded poem,
Wandering around;
In search of a
Rhyme-less melody.
If you are one-
Can you give a refuge
To my ailing metaphors;
And aid them with
Your lullabies?
Can you?
Can you be that home?
Increased contrast;
One side it's black.
Brighter; the other side,
It's a blinding white.
Who has erased the
Subtle shades;
The colours that
Lied in between?
Despite our pompous
Sanity; why are we
Still veiled by our
Monochromatic myopia?
Has the world been
Confined between
The '0' and '1' ? Already?
Is there no hope beyond?
To give refuge to
Those 2 o'clock thoughts.
To cleanse your-
Dust stricken insides.
And to set you free,
From yourself.
One day; someone
Will come along.
And all those songs,
That meant nothing.
All those broken lyrics;
Will make sense.
And then, it'll rain.
Past your cheeks,
Wind will blow for you.
And the birds will sing.
Growing up,
Everyone was like-
Beware of strangers!!
No one ever;
Warned me;
About myself.
Everytime; I think
I know myself,
A stranger from within
Pops-up to say hi.
Seems,
Ram is just a
Face of the Ravan,
I already am.
ಬೆಳಕಿನ ಆಚೆಗೆ,
ಕತ್ತಲಿನ ಈಚೆಗೆ.
ಇಣುಕಿ ನೋಡು ನೀ,
ನಿನ್ನ ಅಂತರಾಳದಲಿ.
ಅತ್ತ ಕೌರವರು,
ಇತ್ತ ಪಾಂಡವರು.
ಮನಸ್ಸಿನೊಳಗಿಹುದು,
ಕಲಹಗಳ ಕುರುಕ್ಷೇತ್ರ.
ಮಹಾಭಾರತವೀ ಜೀವನ.
ನೀನೆ ಕೃಷ್ಣ,
ಈ ಕಪಟ ನಾಟಕದ
ಸೂತ್ರಧಾರಿ.
Whose phone is this,
I think I know.
The memes might be
In the gallery though.
My good friend mustn't
Think; it's queer to
Look at his phone
Without permission.
I'm alone and
My battery's down.
The longest night
Of the year.
The memes are lovely,
Dank and deep.
Miles to scroll down
Before I sleep,
Miles to scroll down
Before I sleep.
Just because-
Erect, bipedal and
Infected by a little sanity.
Are we human enough?
An attribute to a noun.
Hypocrisy at it's best.
Our barbarism;
Honey coated; with
The justifications of
Our evolutionary triumph.
Until someone else
Writes our histories-
Heaven will go by favor.
And we'll always be-
The 'human' beings.
The road that
Enthralled travellers,
Is lost in itself.
The river that
Quenched the needy,
Is athirst herself.
The light that
Lead the seeker
Has turned blind.
Nihilism to be
In the air-
The life that
Was in a flow
Rests in a limbo.
Everywhere;
Even when
Everyone isn't.
You're there.
Like always.
In the nights,
For the days.
When I'm alone,
Even in a crowd.
You're there.
And if you hadn't
Come with the
Freaking silence.
Maybe I would 've
Loved you more-
Miss Lonely.
She was a
Beautiful song
I'd longed to sing.
Lost beyond
All the words,
I'm the ruins.
An,
Unsung Seagull.
Should I let these
Blunt thoughts cut open
My veins and run it dry.
Or from this mysterious
Ceiling, choke this
Noisy head to quietude?
Will it be easy to
Intoxicate the insides
And surrender to sleep.
Or off a cliff
Should I just ask the
Gravity to do the job?
What should I do?
Give away myself to
This passing moment or
Laugh at it and let it go?
Why am I not
Brave enough to commit
This act of cowardice?
Any motivational speakers?
And judgements
Were thrown.
Pride was targeted.
Knives of words,
Hammers of taunts,
Thorns of smirks.
I've contained
Them all.
Having kept in
Mind everything,
Poised behind a
Drop of tear,
My rage awaits;
Simmering.
Don't misread,
My expressions.
Until I can
Actually smile.
You wretches deserve,
The one I've carved.
Twenty thousand. The death comes demanding a lofty price.
Those words ricocheting in his head, Mr. Nagappa returned home from the funeral of his childhood friend. The sight of the burial had reminded him of his own old age. Until now, he had never thought of it. For a while, he had stood aloof; like death was staring right through him. He imagined about the crowd around his house. Will there be enough crowd? What about my wife and children? Will they contain that burden?
But more than anything, he was boggled with the words of a peer.
At the funeral, while he got involved in a random talk with his peer group. Someone said, five years back when his father was dead, he had to spend nearly sixteen thousand rupees. The amount elevates because no one wants to come around to help if there’s no alcohol, said another in the group.
Looking at the son of the dead, another said, look at that poor fellow; he doesn’t even have the freedom to express his grief. Given his economic challenges, I wonder how he’ll manage the expense. These days, man is not free even after death. The death comes demanding a lofty price.
After the funeral, all Mr. Nagappa had in mind was the Twenty thousand. Not that he didn’t know about the rough estimates previously. It’s just; he had never really paid any attention to that. Now that he is relating himself to the situation, he’s too concerned. How will my son manage after my demise? The question had turned him weary.
By the time he reached home, it was dinner time. He took a quick bath before entering his home; ate some food mechanically. Without bothering to talk to his wife, he spread a mat in the kitchen and laid down his aching body. The death comes demanding a lofty price. Twenty thousand said the glow of incandescent bulb.
After his wife went to the backyard to wash the utensils, he surreptitiously, sneaked in the hall; opened his old sanduk (metal box). Found his way down to some notes he had stashed. He started counted them. Some new, some old, some crumpled and some worn out. Then he reached for his banyan pocket for few more notes, shuffled them all to count. In the dim light, diving through the quietude…the rustle of currency paper preceded a meek voice,.. one.. two.. three.. four.. five…
Doesn't this
Lavish lush of
the greens and
The gentle gush
Of the winds...
Tickle some old
Melodious memories?
The monsoons,
Dancing on the roof,
And the birds
Rolling heads
And chirping...
Invoke the forgotten?
Scratch some scars?
While a cup of tea is
Coloring this evening.
Nostalgia is riding it.
Few sweet. Few salty.
Some mixed vibes.
The days are not
Like days anymore.
The nights are not
Like nights anymore.
I'm just,
Differently awake.
Differently asleep.
Thinking of the days
I was alive,
Waking up in the
Worst nightmares.
Most of the times,
I'm more dead
Than alive.
In my cranium,
There's a den;
Full of beasts.
Some are hungry.
Some athirst.
They feed on,
My emotions
And grow.
The one that
Thrives on
My silence
Is too noisy.
The one
Feeding on
My loneliness
Is most violent.
The one
Brooding over
My insecurities
Making me inferior.
And the one
Trying to control
All of them is
Freaking me out.
Love, longing,
Letting go.
Why is life this
Obliviously rude?
Why this limerence,
All little emotions,
Were meant to
Fade away one day?
Beyond our emotions,
What are we?
Just stacks of bones,
Sacked in rags of skin?
A good, a bad.
A strong, a weak.
A demon, an angel.
It doesn't matter,
At what end of
The gun you're.
In the end you will
Also be a good hunt,
For a better hunter.
Predator to a prey.
A matter of time.
In between lies life.
Went to the
Mountains
To find
Some peace.
Hit the bottom
Of the river,
In search of
A purpose.
Slept under
The night sky,
An attempt
To find myself.
And then
I found you.
The reflection
I was keen about;
The depths
I wanted to drown in;
And a place
I wanted to belong;
Your gaze
Contained it all.
A world.
A home.
My job involves conducting farmers meetings occasionally. Usually, we conduct meetings in the evening. Yesterday, the meeting got a formal start around 8 pm and was stretched up to 10 pm. And I started my return journey on my bike by 10.30pm. Winter night, cloudy sky, empty roads, slow ride and upon it I sat shivering. Counting down the kilometers covered, all I had in my mind was to reach home without getting robbed.
My home was some fifteen kilometers away I suppose; when I spotted a man standing his hands extended. Giving someone a drop at that hour, I was skeptical. As I approached him, he almost tried to block me. So, I had to stop by. He was a well-built adult; in his 30s I suppose. Looked like a farmer. Tough I was averse, I couldn’t deny him the ride. Then the usual conversation began. He said why he was stranded there. Where he was heading. What he does. Then about his family.
He said he will get down at Neginahal, which is five kilometers before my village. As I talked with him and became familiar, I was relaxed. Yet, in some corner, I had some sort of suspicion. Our conversation took a different turn when he said, sir don’t travel late in the night in this route.
Me: Yes, I have heard of thefts. But my job demands this sometimes.
He: Thefts are okay sir. But there are spirits too.
Me: Oh! Come on man. People just tell stories. Tell me if you yourself have seen any.
He: (In an assertive tone) I have not sir. But a couple of days back one of my closest friends did encounter one.
Me: (In a denial tone) Oh like that. (I knew he would tell the story in which I had no interest at all)
He: He was on his bike late in the night; coming back from Bailhongal.
Me: Was he drunk?
He: Yes he was but that’s not the point.
Me: (sarcastically) So, he was on his bike late in the night and he was stopped by someone asking for a drop?
He: That’s what he said.
Me: (Cliché) go ahead...
He: While the stranger sat on his bike and both were deeply involved in the conversation. Suddenly the stranger stopped talking. And there was grave silence all of a sudden.
Me: (sarcastically) Must have fallen down on the way.
Then, he didn’t reply readily. I waited for his reply for a while. His village was another kilometer away and I was waiting to get rid of him. But there was no reply from him. I thought he got offended by the way I talked to him. Then to break the ice, I said, Annara(bro!). Yet, there was no sound.
His village was hardly a minute away when I asked him if he has to be dropped in first bus stand or second one. There was no response. Calling him a couple more times, I said to myself what’s wrong with this man.
I made a decision to stop by the first bus stand. There was no one there. Supposing he is upset with me, I was imagining his knotted face that would bid me adieu. Expecting the same, I looked back. There was no one. I searched around there was no one.
Head full of rushing thoughts. Confusion, anxiety, chills down my spine and I could feel my heated up ears and churning insides. The bike in the first gear roared. I raced the accelerator.
His words were ringing in my head. Late nights... Spirits... Empty roads... Grave silence.
Kanakappa entered the school when we were in the eighth class. He was from a really poor family. He way of social interaction depicted that. The questions he asked, the answers he gave; his ignorance and innocence incited lots of laughter.
He belonged to Neelgiri house. Back then, Neelgiri house was a refuge for the peons on the night duty. They would sneak into the house to take power naps in the night. Given their familiarity with all, they used to often get involved in random fun talks and pranks.
One of the popular pranks they used to was removing the pants of sixth class kids when they were asleep. The waking them up to laugh on their face.
One night. Past midnight, they were trying the prank on a kid. Unfortunately Kanakappa- who was oblivious to this sort of things- was shocked when he saw it. As he was a later entry guy, he didn’t have much knowledge of how things work around. If it were another kid in his place, things would have been too normal and mundane. But here we are.
The sight of someone gigantic in winter wear trying to remove someone’s pants; seems his childhood nightmares knocked down his sanity. And all he did was screaming as loud as he can. Calling for help from his seniors in a whiny tone, he screamed, “Yappa, ellaru eddelro yaro kidney kadyak bandar”. Meaning, Wake up ye’all, someone is trying to steal kidneys.
It was loud and shocking that the peons were petrified. They feared being reported that to the principal. But then first Kanakappa was consoled by other inmates. Then he was convinced to not to report with the housemasters or any other teachers.
Sure the guy had pulled the peons’ inside out.
I suit up a
New kind of conduct.
Make up myself with
New masks daily.
There's an office
Attire and
A different kind of
Smile in home.
Content expressions
Socially and
Bitter ones
Within the walls.
I've been pretending
For so long that,
Even in a mirror,
I don't see myself.
Hid beneath layers of
Unfamiliar skin,
Seems I've become
A visitor in my own mind.
It was monsoon. Again.
There was rain,
There was hope.
And in front of me,
There was you.
And there was me,
Seeing you,
Awed and confused.
Clenching my frozen heart,
Afraid and consumed.
Seems you were
A redeemer.
Hammered,
My stupefied heart to
Set the bird inside free.
Now,
There are symphonies.
A hauling storm,
Ricocheting rhymes,
And sheer harmony.
Where,
There should
Have been
Colorful stains of
Our taunts and fights
And
Souvenirs of our
Cute little mistakes-
There,
Now are just warts.
The kind of drab
Sensations when
Something as
Beautiful as you
Walks away with
No promises of
Returning.
Some nights become,
Sleepless deserts.
Cold thoughts,
Heated up discontent.
All curled up,
I lie dead in the dark.
Old scars light up.
Some regrets and
A lot of guilt.
Bored, lonely and beaten up,
I feel the time that
Passes by my cheeks.
And like an ailing bird,
I flip around searching
For an oasis of sleep.
A sleep that might quench
The emptiness and help me
Through nights.
She had become considerably close. Often meeting her, having food and tea in random places was not a surprising thing by then.
That day in the cafe, while I ordered just tea. She ordered a cup cake along with a masala tea. When the waiter brought the cup cake and kept it on our table, I grabbed it.
She gave that look. The not angry but not again kind of look. I pretended to eat it but before her heart fell out, I slowly slipped it towards her romantically and said,
Will you be my backup?
Gleaming at me she said... Like she already had a ready answer..
"Only if you'll be my Joey"
Then giving myself away to her I wore a ear to ear grin and said...
As long as you're my Phoebe, I'm you're Joey baby..
And then she giggled and extended her hand to take the cup cake.. and before she even realized I snapped and took a bite, shrugged, closed my eyes and nodding my head....said..
Joey doesn't share food.
To let you sleep on the bed of
The starry dreams you deserve.
I shall conspire with the sun.
To keep the night hung forever.
To let the world know
How special you're,
I'll embellish some metaphors
With your elegance and
Surrender all of my verses for you.
And I'm ready to walk beside you,
To the end of the any tunnel;
Through any shade of darkness,
To find the luminance that
Can bind us in a forever.
For the stars
You had promised,
I've still preserved some
Darkness in me.
For the rains
You had assured,
I've still kept some
Thirst unquenched.
And for the rainbows,
My bleached heart,
Still waits like a canvas,
In its whitish glory.
Paint me or taint me.
Bruises or some blemishes.
Just don't leave me
Stabbed with apathy.
Not the violence of silence,
Don't want this emptiness again.
Pain or some peace,
I just want to feel . Again.
On the long lonely,
Sleepless nights...
You come to
Infect me with verses.
I'm vulnerable,
You're contagious.
And like that
I'm a victim of
This epidemic
Called poetry.
You be yourself.
I'll be myself.
Let there be peace.
Let's not hurt ourselves
With our pretense.
Have your today,
Have some tomorrows.
I'll too have mine.
Then again..
If we meet somewhere,
We'll try to design,
Some beautiful yesterdays
That are forever.
You might be,
An epitome of boredom in
Someone else's story.
But in mine,
You're;
An unparalleled poetic feel.
A painting that's
Beyond the strokes of colours
And the shades of words.
Doesn't matter if,
Venus is just a planet.
When the light is out,
And gloom is set.
Like a lit up metaphor,
You're my evening star.
That was the last monsoon of our school days. The 2010 one. The encumbrance of the class twelfth was not yet on shoulders and we always had our crazy stuff that was worth remembering a tons of time.
So, on one of such nights, after dinner, it was drizzling and there was no electricity, (a night without electricity was always a great pastime). While we had some chit chat in our house, a junior came running and said, Anna, its Pallavi akka this time. God! Not even the sturdy one, I said and rushed to the Udaygiri house. Sacchya, Wasya and others along with some juniors who held the same concerns were already there. The crowd was a bit big than usual.
It was decided to bury her near the pump house that was near the boys' water tank. Someone carried her and we all walked behind in silence. Digging a pit with a rod was easy as the ground was moist. After the burial, for a brief period of time, we stood there in silence to offer our condolences. The death of this sturdy puppy had ended the dog rescue mission that was undertaken by Sacchya.
Let’s talk about what’s going on. Who’s Pallavi? Why a burial?
See, Sacchya loved puppies. One rainy night he found out some five newborn puppies near the pool that’s by the boys' ground. Without any shelter, seeing them all shriveled and shivering, he was moved. He thought he could do something for those poor souls. So he, along with his squad assured them a shelter under the staircase of Udaygiri house. The waste gunny bags and some clothes provided the necessary warmth. Some daily doses of milk smuggled from mess assured some great nutrition. At least that’s what we thought.
And men will be men. After two-three days, according to the appearance of the puppies, they were named after our class girls. The one that was white was Ganga. The one that was a bit white but frail was Paru. There was one, well built and with a dark complexion, someone called it Renuka. Don’t really remember why the fourth one was called Trisha as it didn’t really resemble her. The last one was Pallavi, very akin to how she looked.
It was fun for some days. Then all of a sudden, Paru died. It was sad. She was buried. Then again, in a succession, they all started to pass. Pallavi had held it for some time but that night she too had given it up. Though it is a funny memory now, it sure was bit emotional then.